little brother

Boy in the dog bed, dogs in the....!

2010-01-22T18:19:00.005-04:00

So cute. Who can resist a sleeping 2 year old in a dog bed, but what is even cuter is,

2 spoiled rotten, totally loved, weimaraners sleeping peacefully on the couch!

This little guy is pretty close to perfect, as per his mommy!

Every morning, Deigo or cars yogurt and a "big apple with skin on"! Oh how he melts me.

Disco Christmas

2009-11-30T08:53:00.002-04:00

This about sums it up for us. We have another dog and life is a disco dance!

The Circ!

2009-10-23T21:49:00.010-04:00

Well I have been trying to put this one off since we came home, but after a summer of balanitis, and complaints that his "pee pee" hurts, we took the plunge. Personal choice, not advocating anything except what is right for anyone! Today was that day the foreskin came off. Of course when I told my 80 year old mother she asked if I knew a rabbi! I said, Dylan is 2 1/2 and we are not Jewish. She replied "Well don't you have one at your hospital that takes care of this sort of thing, you know they are the specialists?" Not knowing quite what to say, and trying not to laugh, I just said "No we do not have a rabbi on staff at St Clare's"

So anyway, this is Dylan after 30 minutes of general anesthesia, morphine 1 mg, and tylenol with codiene 5 ml:

He is painting his face with ice cream

This is daddy:

2 hours later running about no pain, no hint of being tired even after getting ripped out of bed at 5am, this Dylan:

This is daddy:

Shadows gettng still, on his 20th meal of the day post op, flying around the house....Dylan;

daddy:

trains and naps

2009-10-20T20:56:00.005-04:00

Let me tell you something! All day long my little human pup wants to play with his trains. One or 2 hours is ok, but a dog can only take so much. The trains are eating, getting tucked in, going to "the barn" to see the "animals! Up and down and all around the room. Mommy just sits an the floor and plays trains all day. I think she may really like it or something. What about me? The dog? I can only take so much trains. I live in the moment, and these moments are pretty darn filled up with train nonsense! What about lunch, cookies, meat and lunch? A dog can only take so much....

Now this is more like it naps are almost as good as lunch, but then again I live in the moment....

NOW SOMEBODY GET THOSE CATS OUT OF HERE!

Thanks! Where was I? mmm...sleeping....

6 months later...

2009-10-12T18:44:00.005-04:00

The same old cast of characters only 1/2 a year older (except me)

Chris and Dylan in Maine

Group hug

Don't you wish an apple could make you this happy?

I kissed a dog and I liked it!

The speed machines in motion!

Claire on her 11th birthday

....6 months have passed since I have had the time and energy to write about my world. The lack of energy was mainly due to Dylan being up all night crying, screaming and fussing till the cows came home. Hard to deal with, especially with other kids, a life, working full time and trying to be nice. Oh I am not complaining but in the past I used to enjoy blogging at night, but the lack of sleep caught up with me, (plus my husband hogs the lap top to look at cars when I put HG TV on!)

So here we are 6 months older, Dylan is so cute during the day! Squeaks and giggles, hugs, skipping, dancing, running, and eating! He loves animals and trains with all his heart. I have honestly never ever see someone more captivated by a good meal or snack. He is sweet and adorable as evidenced by the way he can still melt me, even after he has kept me up all night!

Things are the same comfortable pace. I am married to my best friend (No not the dog silly!) Emily is in 8th grade, Claire is 11. Bailey and I still run every day, in fact we had our 1st dog and human race this weekend. It was awesome! So much fun. The kids loved it too. 150 dogs with 150 humans, running the miles away.

So, hello again my friends out there. I have missed everyone and am going to catch up tonight on all the blogs I have been a missin!

Underwear?????

2009-04-06T09:09:00.006-04:00

Mr Dylan has been very interested in pee pee on the potty. Requesting to go many times during the day, no luck but close. So yesterday while recovering from major surgery I did what any mother would do, went to target to buy a potty, a potty insert, pull ups, a step stool, and every kind of big boy underwear I could find. 85 dollars later we are home. It is 70 degrees and sunny outside. So I stripped Dylan down to his shirt and shoes (this worked like a charm for the girls you see. They did not like pee pee dribbling down their legs and caught on quick).

So there is Dylan running free in the back yard as if having no pants or diaper was the key to eternal bliss. Running WILD! Swinging from the bars going down the slide, skipping, chirping, you get the picture. Peed all over the patio, and completely unphased by what came out of his body. Okay, so now I have a time frame. I think we can offer the potty every 30 minutes. So we move inside, because my husband finds a bloodly mess of a tick on my neck. My husband pulls the disgusting thing off my neck, and we look for naked Dylan. At this point I put Thomas the Tank underwear on him, knowing that once he feels the wet underwear he will make the connection. 5 minutes later he returns with loaded underwear. A double header.

Sometime after diner we are putting away the toys and discover what Dylan thinks of potty training. All four corner of the living room were soaked, and we found a turd we thought came out of our 75 pound dog on the floor by the train table. It was not the dog. Way to go Dylan! Maybe it was the drugs I've been taking for pain that made potty training seem like such a great idea, but I am sticking to diapers for a little while longer.

Dylan leading the war on underwear!

Underwear does have its proper place

Mr Cuteness

2009-04-04T20:08:00.004-04:00

The man is back 100% and better than ever, he gave us quite a scare, but after 8 long days he is happy, playful and full of life!

Me on the other hand, cannot take a deep breath without extreme pain, but then again I am old. Oh well, every day I hope will get better. I cannot eat, so maybe I'll loose some weight! Always that bright side, right?

Better!

2009-04-03T18:29:00.003-04:00

The healing powers of my kids love. I love my family with everything I have. They make me feel like the richest, most blessed human on earth!

So I had my gallbladder surgery today, aside from horrific pain when I woke up from anesthesia (which the pain meds addressed) I feel pretty good. I lied about peeing just to get home quickly, and now I am home and cannot pee! Serves me right but I needed to go home. My husband is teasing me.

Dylan looks amazing, Today is his best day so far. I pray he never gets that sick ever again,

Thanks to all my friends who wished us well, it means the world to me to know that so many people care.

1st Hospital Admission

2009-03-30T22:56:00.002-04:00

My little man is a rag doll. It started off with an ear infection, then a few days later some vomiting, very sleepy not eating, but drinking. Then the diarrhea sent in. After 2 days of the worst I've ever seen, he just could not keep up with the fluid losses. Believe me, I work in a pediatric er I know all the tricks and am not one to jump the gun. But I feel bad because his CO2 was 12, which means pretty dry. Even after a fluid bolus and then some he was still lethargic and still having diarrhea. So here we are. He is in the crib and I am in the bed next to him. I hope he wakes up tomorrow and is a new man, full of life and silliness! Sleep tight little man, we all love you and are rooting for you. Poor Daddy is a mess at home. He loves you so so much (we all do). Bailey may starve with out the extra food he steals from you.

PS. I am having my gallbladder out on Friday! It is pouring! But not bad stuff, just....stuff.

Happy Birthday!!!!!

2009-03-26T19:03:00.003-04:00

To my son,

I just wanted to say Happy Birthday and let you know how proud I am of you and how much I love you. You make my life complete in ways I never knew existed. Know too that you are always on my mind and forever in my heart. You are the best son a father could hope for and the answer to my prayers.

All my love always,

Dad

Happy 2nd Birthday my little man.

2009-03-26T09:11:00.007-04:00

Dylan-Mommy just wanted you to know how much the entire family loves you. You are 2 years old today and make our worlds a better place.

It is hard to believe that 2 years ago this sweet little boy was born across the world in Vietnam to a young mother that made a painful choice, that placed him in are arms a short time after that. I am beyond grateful whatever fate my be, Dylan is here with us. We cherish him and love him intensely. I think about the tears we shared as she placed him in my arms, and how I left the building, my heart exploding with rapture, and her heart, aching...devoid of joy. So hard to comprehend but I realize the blessing in this beautiful child I was given and love him. Just love him. I love him all the time.

Dylan always is talking, babbling jibberish, some words we know. I love our daily conversations. Very simple, but so sweet. He runs over to tell me the color of everything special. A yellow ball will rock he world and we can dicuss it length for 45 minutes. Trains and trucks thrill him like Christmas morning. Give this kid a shovel and a dirt pile and he is set for hours. Ask him to go for a walk and he bounds to the door rearing to go, and can go and go for hours. The playground? Wow! Mention the words and he is singing and skipping, you pull up in the care and he giggles and clapps his hands! I love being outside, and am so happy to share the world with him.

He is also gentle and sweet. He is very loved my 3 strong women, 1 great mushy Dad, and a very excited dog.

I love you Dylan. Happy Birthday my darling son.

My little Picasso

2009-03-16T09:08:00.005-04:00

Wow, I think to myself. Dylan is being so good, playing by himself while I was loading the dishwasher and cleaning up the kitchen. I even paused to read some of the newspaper and savor my morning tea while it was still hot. Then I hear it. What was that sound, It sounded like...drawing on the plaster walls with...a pencil??? I was right. Dylan decided we needed a mural in our center hall. Thanks Dylan, that was great. I love it and was planning on scribbling on the freshly painted wall with pencil myself, but you saved me the trouble! Awesome! Oh well. We had to touch up the paint anyway, and no big deal, nothing a good roller would not cover. By the way, if you have not tried it yet, get Ben Moore, Aura paint. 1 coat covers and it is wonderful paint to work with. More expensive but you use less and finish in half the time.

My sweet little artist, tired himself out. Creative energy is just so draining.

Just an afternoon...just one, please?

2009-02-25T18:27:00.004-04:00

Can you imagine a life where all you worried about was which couch, bed or pillow you could get unlimited sleep in? Then in your next life come back as one of my pets.

I have to admit that ever since I saw Marley and Me, I have been especially in love with all of them, my favorite being Bailey. He is just wonderful with the kids, and I love him far too much!

A temper tantrum update... We have been tantrum free for almost a week now. I realize Dylan's limits more and have adjusted our days to avoid random encounters with balls that not ours! Dylan is growing so much and is all about animals, colors and numbers. Loves to count, loves to color, and loves to play chase. Little boys really love to rough house. Very cute, he chatters away the days. My favorite words are MOE! (No), and BONGE BOD (sponge bob), he will, willingly repeat them for me all day long, as I cannot get enough.

Still here!

2009-02-19T20:32:00.004-04:00

Well, hi again. I have to apoligize for being such an unblogger, but as all you parents of toddlers know...shit happens!

Today was one of those days.

I took Dylan to a local train museum. He was so adorable, checking out all the engines, counting all the RR tracks, tossing the gravel. I was almost in tears as we left, he was saying "bye bye and blowing kisses to the engines" OMG I could eat him!

Then. On the way home. I stopped at Toys R US... and the tantrums began! He is one of "those" kids that you hear (anywhere) and say a silent prayer inside to thank God, YOUR kid is not like that. Oh yah! That one screaming, turning purple, twisting about on the floor. THe one arching his back, kicking off his shoes and socks, snot EVERYWHERE...is my kid....Today it went on for 2 hours straight, and then an encore at 6pm for 30 minutes. His all time record is 2.5 hours. My favorite part to all of this is the well meaning moms that share there own person horror stories, the gentle pats on the back from total strangers, as if we re all in this together.

Todays tantrum was over a ball. We have about 100 at home, and Dylan loves them. We have balls from every store, including a starbucks ball. Loves balls with all his heart. Loves them so much that when I walk into a store with the great big cage of balls it is like heaven opened up a door and is hanging a ladder and a light over those bloody balls. I try distraction, blindfolds, sprinting by them, and it worked today almost. A sweet well meaning 5 year old boy handed a ball to Dylan. It was almost as if he handed him a beer or a dead animal, my response was about the same. So after awhile the ball needs to go back, and Dylan will not have any of it. The best part is, he knocked me over as we were leaving the store (wailing at the top of his lungs), there I am on my bottom, he is screaming, and I just am like trying to be a good mom and not loose it.

So now here I am. He is sleeping, it is over. Tomorrow is a new day. A day with out balls, we are ball-less, the anti-ball, just say no to more balls. Love the balls you have at home. Life is to short to have so many balls. reminds me of an AC/DC song I used to love!

The artist!

2009-01-05T08:40:00.005-04:00

So a few weeks ago as I was walking out the door carrying Dylan, his diaper bag, a work bag, an over sized purse, the garbage, and 5 other things, I noticed the bathroom door ajar. Of course I was running late for work. I noticed some toilet paper trailing outside the door, and the real horror came as I cautiously opened the door. Dylan 12, Mommy 0. He is beating me at the game of life. I thought he was being so well behaved as I emptied the dishwasher (he tried to climb inside, and even pulled the appliance off the wall). So off with my coat, put down the bags to clean up the mess. Late for work again.

Yes that IS an ENTIRE roll of paper!!!!

His other favorite pastimes include raiding the pantry and hanging on the refrigerator door screaming for BaBa! Also, chasing the cats, throwing toys at the walls, at us and down the stairs.

So who is the cutest terror in the world....
This guy is!

Worst Haircut of 2008

2009-01-01T10:31:00.002-04:00

It is one thing to get a bad, bad haircut, but when you come home and Daddy says, hey it looks the the haircut Jim Carrey had in Dumb and Dumber.....!!! Now it is all I can think about. Grow hair grow!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T08:39:00.004-04:00

Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year to all my blogger friends. I am sure I am not the only one who feels like this year has been a blurr! I always thought life in the fast lane was a glamorous adventure of parties, travel and martini's over business lunches. I now realize it is paying bills, cleaning toilets, homework, diapers and keeping toddlers from hanging on the chandeliers. I am in the fast lane. I am a fine tuned supersonic speed machine. That would be me, and everyone else I know who has been blessed with the gift of a family.

If there were no little hands plugging up the toilet with rolls of paper as I am running late for work where would I be. I would have no one to kiss all over as I am waiting on line in the grocery store, I am safe singing in public and dancing in the aisles because after all, it is for my kid. I also have a built in excuse for being late for work. Blame it on the kid? Absolutely. They are probably wondering why Dylan has so many explosive diapers perfectly timed as I am leaving for work. It won't work when he is 12, but for now I'm good!

In my diet programmed mind all things sinful are allowed when you have kids. Pumpkin, apple pie, cookies, ice cream, and pepperment bark. All good, as the kids really love it. Same for the toys. All over the room? I try to remember by sweet Aunt Irene who never had children. When we all descend upon her she loves the noise and chaos. She gets very sad and lonely when we leave. He house is always clean and perfect with original 1940's appliances and furniture in mint condition. How could a sofa or toaster last for 68 years? I cannot get a kitchen chair to last for a year. Anyway, the last time we left for home, she called me overjoyed to find a car and sock we forgot. A car and a sock? About 8 years ago the girls had put stickers on her bedroom door, she left them intact. "Signs of life" she tells me, her voice cracking with emotion. I feel how much I miss her, and know how much I will miss these "little signs of life" when my kids grow up.

So for a moment there is no traffic, no hustle and madness of this holiday season. There is only Dylan- umberella in hand hitting the ornaments off the Christmas tree, and climbing up the mantle by way of the stockings. Emily is texting AND listening to her ipod while IMing her friends on AIM,( in her skinny jeans and DC shoes). Claire is throwing her socks and shoes everywhere and giving everyone a hard time because she can! I love them all. I love them all. I never knew how much I would love them, worry about them, and crave them. Dylan padding towards me, blanket trailing.."MOMMY!" he says and hugs my leg like I'm his universe. Emily sharing laughs with me, arms wrapped around me in front of her friends! Claire shyly showing me the gumball ring her first crush gave her for Christmas. All these things are my gifts, my treasures from the family that I love so so very much!

I wish you all beautiful memories of you life, enjoy every minute. Signs of life is what we are.

Breakfast politics and peanut butter puffins

2008-11-04T14:44:00.002-04:00

My Edible Bat

2008-11-03T14:18:00.007-04:00

Cuteness comes in a small package sitting on my stairs

My little cat

Look out for the Bat Blogger, he has so much to say and is carefully monitoring the elections form his home computer. He can see a truck from his house, and is more qualified than your average maverick.

The Bat Blogger blows off stress my jumping in the bed.

You just have to admit that my little Bat has the market on adorable. He is the president and king of Cute Island!

yummy.

2008-10-20T23:28:00.003-04:00

Lunch at our house, much like millions of others across the world, except this is my Dylan, and I am melting. This little guy is my best buddy, we really have such a great time. Our rapport is so easy, like breathing, we don't miss a step...except for today when we were raking more stinking leaves, I was breaking up the sticks and he ran around behind me. I was snapping a huge branch and he took it to the forehead. I thought I twigged him in the eye, but thank God he just has an abraison above his eyebrows. I felt like...just awful. He is fine. My little tank.

Into the woods...

2008-10-13T21:07:00.005-04:00

We all took a long weekend up to Lake Placid, so I could go hiking and the kids could complain about it, I mean to spent time as a family and relax. Dylan was a natural and I really think he will be the one to join Bailey and me on our mission to hike the 47 high peaks.

We all look like such a together family, above arguing and screaming and fits and tantrums right? Our car ride home went like this....Claire shrieking taking everything away from Dylan causing him to wail. Then she would laugh and shriek this annoying high pitched sound that you just want to run away from. At this point Emily would have enough and hit her on the head then the shrieking would get LOUDER and more high pitched. At one point I actually told her that next year, if she did not behave, I would board her at a kennel, no a weasel farm and she would end up in a cage. She could care less, her mission in life is to piss me off. After an 3 hours of this, everyone finally quiets down and the farting begins. Aside from this we had a great time.

A Good Education Starts at Home

2008-10-08T21:59:00.004-04:00

So the other day, I am sitting on the kitchen floor playing with Dylan and his blocks, and I say to Dylan, "Mommy has to go pee pee!" He looks at me, completely a man on a mission, and skip/runs to the bathroom singing " Pee pee pee pee pee peeeeeeee!!!" in quite a nice rhythm. I round the hallway corner and find him gallantly holding open the bathroom door for me. I am thinking how nice, when he says, "Dump???" And I reply, "No, just pee pee". I was crying, I was laughing so hard!

We spend our days grooving through the hours, hopping like bunnies, tweeting like birdies and using our hands to make our elephant trunks. We crawl around like puppies, hiss like snakes and pound our chests like gorillas. It is a great diversion to laundry, dinner and algebra homework (I am clueless). Sorry, I could not clean the bathrooms today because I was a cat, and cats don't clean. Food shopping??? I am a horsey, horsey's do not drive. TO further prove the point that I have lost my mind I drove to work (alone), with the Wonder Pets singing save the Clam and Tickle the Whale. I hate getting these songs stuck in my head. All day long I am (in my head) singing Save the Baby Clam!!!!

Anyway, has anyone out there read The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein? I finished it in 2 nights and was weeping from the start. I love a good old dog story, and not since Marley and Me have I cherished a book like this. It is a bittersweet tale about a man's life told by his dog Enzo.

Thank you everyone for all the birthday greetings! Below are my 3 guys. My husband really looks much older than he really, really, is. He looks good for almost 47. almost 37??? Whatever.

OMG!!! My birthday

2008-10-02T00:38:00.004-04:00

Warning this a soul searching, tell all...my age...!!!!
Today is my birthday, I say it like a mistake. I would rather hold a rattlesnake than get any older. I don't know why, I don't try to look younger, I am stuck on a number (47, ugh!!) and I still cannot believe I am married, have a house and kids. Is it denial. I mean I know I am in charge but where are the adults. I am 47. There I said it. I still get pimples, have kickin PMS, 28 day cycles, and can run 6 miles in well under 55 minutes. I would rather hike to the sky, climb rocks, ride my bike to the store, stay up late, get more pets, and lie about my age, than be mature.

SO it is 1am... I just got home from a very busy 12 hour shift in the peds er. The kids and DH left me flowers and cards on the counter. I poured myself a big glass of wine because I am getting up in 5 hours and put some music on. Landside is the song I chose because I'm getting older too...

Can I handle the seasons of my life So far so good. My parents are alive and well. I consider this a gift. My parents had me late in life, my mother lost 5 babies I was the only one who survived. My mom worries about worrying, and my dad is the sweetest man I have ever met. I live in fear of loosing them. They argue over everything and have been married for 58 years and mom still talks about leaving. Driving in the car with them requires vodka and zoloft (lots of it).

Time makes you bolder No! I still suck at saying no. But I am working on that. I am also working on 10 pounds, career advancement, 7 minute miles, and endless patience.

Children get olderGod, yes they do. Why? WHy do they grow. I want to freeze them. Dylan melts me, Claire breaks me and Emily reminds me of the girl I used to be. The three of them make me believe in God or a higher force. They humble me. I make hard choices to keep them honest and safe. I would give my life for them. Easily. Wherever I sit I have 3 kids and Bailey on top of me. I am never alone, never lonely, even in the bathroom I have company. I only hope that when they are older they still love me and want me in their life. (I just poured my 2nd glas of wine at 1:30am, hey I am 47 I can do what I want!)
Children get older, just please do it slowly. I love you all just they way you are.

What is love? Love bushes against you, it hit you hard in the face. Love is so subtle my heart breaks when Dylan's lip pouts, Claire's fair weather friend leaves her alone for someone else, when Emily pulls me tight and tells me "I love you, you smell like Mommy". I need them like air. If this was all there was in life, smelling like Mommy and having your almost 13 year daughter hug you in front of her friend would be enough. I used to wear her in a sling and stare at her all day, kiss her all day. Now we laugh at Sarah Palin and talk about the stock market bailout! Hey I don't have cankles, let's celebrate!

I am getting older too Yeah so what... It is 2am and I just drank 2 glasses of wine. Who cares! 47? Yeah that sucks. But what the fuck!!!

The little gardener

2008-09-27T10:55:00.002-04:00

Our mornings are simple. We walk Claire to school (1 mile), Bailey comes along as well. We go for a run (Dyaln in the stroller, Bailey pulls us). We come home and water the plants, weed and tidy up the garden. I love the routine. Dylan loves to help. My heart is like this big lump in my chest always ready to overflow with love for this little boy. He has my heart, he has my soul. Corny...yes. Sweet, loveable and certified heart tugging. He loves to smell the rosemary and the lavender. He has to look at every flower, touch all the rocks, and run up and down the path. He calls the squirels "kitty!", chipmonks too! All things cute and furry are "kitty!" Everything is wonderful when this little guy is around. He is like prozac. I am so blessed. Dylan there are so many little things you so that touch me. I love you little man.

Happy birthday Claire

2008-09-26T14:50:00.003-04:00

Some cute little girl turned 10 on Sunday! How can I stop her from growing up? Last night when I called in from work she announced that she was wearing her red dress because she felt like twirling around the house in something pretty! Her little comments are priceless and I want to keep her in my pocket forever.

We lost a hamster Taco 2 weeks ago. She escaped. We looked EVERYWHERE! After 2 weeks I gave up and started sniffing/smelling for any....remains? I am compulsive and
all I can say thank God the hamster appeared after her extended vacation, because my sniffing is annoying, and no one would blame Chris for leaving. She (the hamster) is rested and 2 cats and 1 big goofy dog are not the wiser.

Something in common.

2008-09-14T19:53:00.006-04:00

I think I need a blanket to suck on as well. The kids are back in school, Em is in grade 7, and CLaire in grade 5. They are keeping me so busy, between work and Dylan and all the other hohum crap (like dinner, diapers, painting, cooking and cleaning) I feel like sleeping. Dylan still is not making it through the night, and I am a zombie in the morning. I swear I might let him play with glass and shrapnel, as long as he is quiet in the morning.

We went to see Burn After Reading last night. Anyone else catch this movie? Quite strange. Parts of it were hilarious, and the other parts were weak.

Oh Dylan has a new word to add to eyes, ears, nose and mouth...PENIS! Yes, clear as a bell sounds like peeeen uss! Fantastic! Soon Bailey will start to say it, not that I encourage bad behavior, but we really crack up.

Yes, we are Simple!

2008-08-29T20:31:00.003-04:00

So, we are are simpletons, making Dylan do anything cute over and over again. This is an example of our behavior, and yes we stand proud, we are simple and simply proud. YEAH!!!! Meow, buck-buck and oink oink, moo moo and baa baa! I can make my animal noises and I choose to share them with the world. I can sing the wiggles and dance like Capt. Feather-Sword. I can do this all day on command, and so can my husband.

Happy Adoption Day Emily and Dylan

2008-08-27T20:42:00.003-04:00

The summer went speeding by, everybody is growing up too quickly. I cannot express how much this past year with Dylan, and the past 12 years with Emily have been nothing short of a zooming miracle. Emily's day was on Aug 20th, and as usual we spent it in Lake Placid. I remember when she was 6, I sang her Happy Adoption Day, on the lake by the light of the moon. The stars were bright. The night was wonderful. She was warm in my arms, my sweet darling daughter...

Fast forward 6 years...She walked off the dock in the light of the day, smiling ear to ear. Sun on her face so proud of herself for sailing around the lake on a Sunfish. She learned the skill at camp, and I was so proud of her. My buddy, my friend for life, my darling daughter is growing up. She hiked to the top of Algonquin with me, over 5100 feet, my reluctant hiking buddy (more on this in my next post).

Now we have Dylan, my third amazing kid. This year the little man has grown so. 21 pounds of constant movement. We can hardly get a picture of him, he is a blur. He is a happy dancing, smiling baby. He squeals with delight and loves to give hugs and kisses. Dylan loves animals (no surprise), and can make many animal sounds, his favorite is a sheep. I love it in the morning when I find him standing in his crib grinning at me. He aways has his fleece blanket in his little hand. He is a creature of habit just like his dad. The men in the house love routine, where as the girls thrive on chaos!

Happy adoption day to my 3 great August babies. Every year gets better and better. I pray we all stay close, healthy and love, love, love each other!

Happy Adoption Day Claire-bear.

2008-08-02T21:25:00.003-04:00

Happy adoption day my little bear, my boo-ba-loo-baa! I love you! We have been a family for 9 years now and I cannot believe how wonderful you are. You are an amazing daughter, sister and friend. Everyone who knows you wants you, but you are my sweet little girl, and I am very blessed to have you.

We had a great day today. We looked for a bike to fit you, and ended up cleaning up Emily's old bike because it fit you best. You will be riding a 2 wheeler soon. I know you will. Then we went to dinner at you favorite place, Fridays. We came home and had Carvel cake. Good choice, it was yummy. Tomorrow we will go to Soho and check out all the fun stuff. I thank God for you, and not a day goes by that I do not realize how much I love you, and how lucky I am to be your mom.

My guys!

2008-07-27T21:55:00.003-04:00

A part of me gets weak when I see these two together. I love them both so dearly I have to take a deep breath sometimes. I call Chris "the fun guy" because when Dylan see him he lights up and shines! Chris plays with him from morning to night, and has much more patience than I do. The bond they share humbles me, confirms how beautiful, and simple love is. A family is a gift so wonderful, so strong.

Tomorrow the girls come back home from camp and I cannot wait until we all are together again. I really am thankful for the grace and beauty of these incredible people in my life.

Dylan goes to Maine

2008-07-24T08:32:00.006-04:00

We just got back from a 5 day trip to mid coast Maine. We stayed in Camden, and visited Chris's Dad and Stepmom. We were in Rockland and Belfast as well. It was a terrific vacation. The only thing missing was the girls, they are away at camp for 2 long weeks. Dylan loves the water, the sand, the rocks, and Thomas play tables. We discovered that he loves the play tables so much that he cannot be removed from them at all without screaming and kicking. Now my mission at home is to find one at a 2nd hand shop. He really is cute to watch at the toy stores playing with the trains and tracks. I cannot believe how much this kids loves to play. It is great to watch. He can make a game out of anything.

Top of Camden Hills, (a killer hike)

Ready to Trail Blaze

Lazy Summer

2008-07-10T08:01:00.007-04:00

Garden Treasures

2008-07-09T14:50:00.003-04:00

"I Did not plant you, True. But when The season is done - When the alternate Prayers for sun And for rain Are counted- When the pain Of weeding And the pride Of watching Are through-

Then I will hold you High, A shining sheaf Above the thousand Seeds grown wild.

Not my planting, But by heaven My harvest - My own child."
(unsure of author)

When I think about the current situation of international adoption I feel so sad. I look st these faces and I cannot imagine life without them. More than worth the waiting, the endless paperwork, all the sleepless nights... I count my blessings. I feel for all the PAP's waiting for their child to love. The current wait for a child from China is years, Vietnam is most likely going to stop international adoption on Sept 1st. What would I do if faced with this situation years ago? All I know is I would NOT be where I am now. Every choice we have made in our lives has been for these kids. Every choice we did made for them has given us love, laughter and joy beyond belief.
Thank you Emily, Claire and Dylan for being born and being my world.

1wsqswwqq (typed by Dylan)

2008-07-05T09:40:00.002-04:00

Summer is here, gas is over 4 dollars a gallon, food is ridiculously expensive, and what can we do? Dylan says we need to dance, and play with Tupperware. When these things get old and stale we can mix it up with splashing in the dogs water dish and throwing mashed up food as far as we can fling it, or kicking off your shorts during diaper changes. If you feel especially overwhelmed you can throw yourself on floor and kick until your shoes come off your feet. Sometimes playing in a small pool with a cup can relieve stress, fill up the cup, dump it out over and over again. You can always play peek-a-boo at the gas station! Hands clasped over your eyes, is it 70, 80 or more for this tank. Then you can have a meltdown if is goes higher.

We are becoming homebodies, enjoying the simple pleasure of summer. It took the price of gas to slow me down somewhat. A perfect morning is watching my son dance his chubby legs off to Rhianna and Beyonce. We spend time in the garden I weed, he fills a cup with mulch, I water the plants he darts after the water spray.

In 1 week the girls are off to a camp in the Adirondacks for 2 weeks. I feel frantic letting them go. Wasn't it yesterday they were dancing around the house in princess dresses, and playing with barbies in the pool? I know they will have a blast, and it is valuable to experience life on their own, but this is the first time for us all.

All I can say is I need to savor more of everyday, life speeds on by, and never runs out of gas. You cannot place a price on memories. Like the girls on Tuesday, waiting up to way after midnight for me to come home from work, just to talk and cuddle. Yesterday while I was in the shower I look over and there is Dylan sitting on the floor playing with a coin and a plastic cup. Reading Good Night Moon and Dylan kissing "the 2 little kittens", Claire loved the quiet old lady whispering "hush", And Emily's little finger always found the mouse.

Out numbered 3:2

2008-06-25T00:36:00.005-04:00

So it is June already. The kids are done with school, and somehow I feel completely in over my head. All of them are thinking faster than I can react. Someone is always not behaving, and I am trying to keep up. The girls are my buddies and crack me up. For example...They are always leaving a mess of crumbs and soda cans all over the basement, and were told over and over again...NO food in the basement. So yesterday I find food scraps and empty cups scattered everywhere. When I questioned them they blamed each other. Claire pulls me aside, "You know Mom, it was Emily, and I have proof!" She whips out her cell phone and provides me a picture of Emily shoveling popcorn in her mouth, in the basement. My little crime scene investigator!

Dylan is almost 15 months old and 21 pounds of pure animal. What kind of animal depends on the situation. Alligator during each diaper change, as he thrashes and kicks, wolverine when you take anything he should not have in in mouth away (pocket change, dog food, rocks, broken glass), octopus in any store...he grabs everything in reach and even things out of my reach. He can run at the speed of light, and has a mean right hook (I took one to the face yesterday). My little prizefighter. How he hits us, when we don't.

It has been one of those long weeks when nothing is making him happy. Except running full speed where ever, and when ever he wants. He throws his food with a vengence, but my favorite is when he takes the chewed food out of his mouth and then flings that too! There has also been much whining and fussing. This is when we get the hell out of the house! So at 15 months I believe he is in the terrible two's. He's advanced! I'm so proud.

Don't get me wrong I love him more than words, but did you ever have one of those weeks! Here is Dylan in a food flinging frenzy...

Here he is after a temper tantrum..

You just have to shake your head and laugh, right?

Drama 101

2008-05-23T21:01:00.006-04:00

An ordinary day, I woke up after being quite ill for 4 1/2 days. You know how it is when you get really sick. All the catch up, laundry, things you have been planning on doing, but could not due to illness. Dylan fell asleep for his am nap, my friends were coming over and I needed to straighten up. So testing my wobbly legs I started on the bathrooms working my way to the 3rd floor to clean out the hamster cage. So bathrooms cleaned I sat down before the hamsters. I picked up Buttercup (Claire's pet) and put her in the spare cage, I went to pick up Taco, and BAM! I think I squeezed out about 7 peanut sized hamster newborns! Better than a cup of coffee to wake you up. AND I thought the dam thing was just getting fat! Within seconds of my telling the girls, (thanks to cell phone fairies), the house was full of kids needing to see our newest additions. We are the new freak show.

Later that day as the girls googled "hamster babies" I had questions like, "what does weaning mean?", and my favorite "Did you know that store bought hamsters frequently canibalize their young?". Yeah more drama.

Oh and today, Emily and her friends decided that they needed to start a sting trio (Cello, violin, viola) and learn to play music to make money at weddings. So now they are all about getting sheet music, and downloading songs. What happened? I don't know what to say because all they want to so is practice. I think this is more shocking than squeezing out live hamsters. Who raised these kids? Did I?

Tonight I decided to see what makes Dylan so elated over tossing his food, and I grabbed a bowl of cheese nips and started trying to hit my husband on the head with the little orange squares. He came back at me with handfuls. The dog loved it. I can now say that throwing food is indeed fun, and does make you laugh.

Here are some pictures from one of summers simple pleasures that put the kids in a happy trance...The ice cream man!!! I wish I could find something that would make me as happy as they get when they hear the music from the ice cream truck. Oh wait...Maybe... if there was a traveling wine bar/margarita/martini/whatever on a truck. All the moms would be out, I think I would go a runnin out to! Can you picture it? I can.

This cracks me up....

A very rainy day...with the Wiggles.

2008-05-16T20:33:00.003-04:00

So I made it this week with 2 rainy days, shut inside the house with a very active little boy. I made it! Monday was very hard, Dylan was holding onto the door knob, feet dangling, trying to dive into the swamp that used to be our backyard. He was a cranky little mess of a boy ALL DAY. We played ball on the stairs for like 24 hours or something. TIme was standing still. My 13 month old son can go up and down the stairs with no help. Yes he is active.

So today I was very afraid because it was constant downpours all day. I mean how much ball on the stairs can one mom take? But today I had a Wiggles tape. I have to say I was very adamant that the Wiggles would NEVER, EVER, be seen by Dylan...but it happened, he fell in love with the freakish foursome, and I caved in. SO we dance to the wiggles, I analyse the Wiggles. With songs like "Blow me down" and "Porcupine Pie", and "Tie me Kangaroo Down", how could I not? Actually Chris and I stared kicking and skipping tonight to the tape and Dylan ran out of the room, apparently we frightened him with our Wiggle-like moves. Please pray for sun tomorrow.

Did I mention that Dylan eats everything...

One great day!

2008-05-11T18:58:00.006-04:00

Little Miss Liberty!

Dylan the turtle

Why I don't eat meat...
href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_Q2Slykc4ymQ/SCd7x6BR60I/AAAAAAAAApU/kMfY3JM2LR8/s1600-h/DSCN2834.JPG">
Claire loves to pose

If a bunny looked like Dylan

I really could squeeze them!

My mothers day gift

The tree climber

Claire and Balto

Dosen't Emily look thrilled to be in the "children's zoo"?

My happy turtle Claire

My wish came true today when we all went to the Central Park Zoo. We took the train and subway there and walked all over central park. I love to people watch and central park is great for that! We had fun at the zoo. Dylan loves birds and chickens. I think he would have been happy hanging out in the park and chasing pidgeons. Claire loves EVERYTHING! A cuter little girl could not be possible, because this one is the president of cute island. As you can see, she is the only one that will pose. Dylan moves at the speed of light, and Emily squirms when asked to anything that might call attention to her and make her look uncool.

It is all any mother could ask for. 3 wonderful kids that keep me busy and focused. A loving husband that does not care about my thighs, and a weimaraner with a glass of red wine waiting for me when we get home.

Oh and this... Claire wrote this poem for me. I love it! She floors me.

My Mommy...
Her delicate hands so smooth
Her deep, sparkling, hazel green eyes
Her beautiful, friendly, and heart-warming smile
Her silky, short, shiny hair

My Mommy...I remember...
Having a blast going to see" National Treasure Book of Secrets" together
Helping her pick an outfit for her 2nd Anniversary (she looked like a fisherman)
Going to see "Underdog" in Lake Placid (my sister, mom, and I were the only ones there!
Baking and cooking with each other.

My Mommy...THank you for...
Being a role model for me by teaching me right from wrong
For helping with homework
For Adopting me...

My Mommy...
I love her!

Happy Mother's Day!!!!

2008-05-10T16:27:00.002-04:00

Happy Mother's Day Charisa!! I just wanted to say thank you from all of us from the bottom of our hearts. You give so much to all of us and you love us like no one else is capable. We could not have blessed with a more wonderful and caring person. Thank you for making us laugh, for always being there and always knowing just what we need, like the way you hug us and make us forgot what is hurting us. Thank you for never letting go of our hands and for being a jack of all trades.For staying up with us to finish our homework and projects. For dancing with us and singing to us. For always making us feel loved.For being our best friend. For always having time even when it's not there. For always reminding us of the magic that is still in this world. For teaching us right from wrong not only with words but by showing us. And most importantly thank you for doing what only you can do and that is loving us only the way you can, right down to our souls. We are all better people because we have you in our lives. On this day as well as every other know that we love you.

To Claire

2008-04-11T20:52:00.003-04:00

Claire you are the Dylan Whisperer. You calm down his fiercest storms. You show so much love and devotion for your family and I am so proud of you. You gentle spirit makes even going to the food market enjoyable. Everyone loves you, ...we love you to the moon and back. You are the kind of daughter of fairy tales and fantasy...but you are real! You are my joy and my life. Thank you for being you, my Claire-bear. I love you! This is a tribute to your spirit.

He is moving...fast!

2008-04-09T20:13:00.003-04:00

Thanks to my new digital converter driver, I am free of the camera cables that I always loose. I may loose this new device...but they are in stock EVERYWHERE, and are cheap! So I can blog and post and have some fun.

Dylan is walking! he turned one and the buzzer went off. All get up and go, no more pick me up. He holds up his hand, wiggles his fingers, as in "let's go", and we are off. If I try to pick him up he puts 50 pound weights in each pocket and turns into jelly. The man wants to walk, and fall and hit his head, and eat dirt and rocks. He also loves to throw his food. When he is full or fussy he rolls it around like hot dice and then...FLING! After awhile this looses its charm, so I went back to feeding him. Not to be outdone he now spits out the food, mashes it into a mess and then wham! across the room. Bailey could not be happier, I think they have a secret pact.

Happy birthday Da da!

2008-04-07T16:59:00.009-04:00

Happy birthday to my awesome dad. You always make me laugh and smile.

You also feed me some pretty good food, and I cannot wait until my mouth is big enough to sink into one of your sandwiches. They look good.

You also always play with me, and are never ever too tired or too busy.

We all love you.

Yesterday was your birthday, you were 32. Mom said something about she is happy you are finally catching up to her. Why do we all get older every year except for her? How long has she been the same age? Ok, back to you...you took me to your favorite car place. The Stables in Peapack. You showed me my first Ferrari, but I liked the red classic 1966 Mustang.

Good thing Mommy likes cars too!

I love the way you hold me and make me feel safe and warm.

You even saved me from that great big horned scary goat thingy!

The best part is all the cool things you teach me, you are the best Da da in the world and I love you so so much!

Dylan's 1st Birthday!

2008-03-26T23:07:00.004-04:00

Happy Birthday little man! I can't believe he's a year old already. Just to keep you updated Dylan has become quite the little walker. He prefers it over crawling and will even protest when you're holding him. His love of cars and trucks is still in full swing as is his favorite game "Chase me!" Charisa is still the love of his life as she should be. She is an amazing Mom and we are all lucky to have her. I have filled the role of playmate which is a wonderful thing as well. My Mom came over tonight and celebrated with us. Nothing fancy but we all had a great time. Dylan got a ball tent from my Mom which I'm sure will bring many smiles in the future. She also brought her famous strawberry short cake that was enjoyed by everyone. Dylan was a huge fan of the strawberry's, the cake, not so much.
All in all it was a wonderful 1st birthday. Once again we took many pictures and we promise to post them as soon as we can.

To my son-I just wanted to tell you that your mother and I love you so much. How when I look at you and think of you growing up I hope that life brings you nothing but happiness. I want you yo know that we will always be here for you. You have become my world and the joy you bring into my life leaves me speechless. I look forward to sharing everything and anything you experience. You are truly a blessing. So until tomorrow, sweetest dreams to you my son. We love you.

I have so many wonderful pictures..but...

2008-03-25T23:49:00.004-04:00

Guess who lost the camera cable, AGAIN! Ugh you cannot take me anywhere because I will loose something. My friends marvel at the fact that I have not lost Dylan yet. I think I am burning out from working full time, running a house, and being a mom to 3 kids. Example, worked all weekend, 12 hour shift get home at midnight, Sat and Easter Sunday, wake up every 3-4 hours with Dylan screaming, Chris snoring, and I COMPLETELY forgot about Claire's parent/teacher conference Monday morning at 8am! WHen the teacher and CLaire told me that I blew off the meeting I felt horrible. Like instead of working in an ER all weekend I was on the streets smoking crack! I am actually embarrassed at how tired I am. Claire got straight A's, thank God! But here I go forgetful senile me.

So far 2 sets of keys, 2 camera cables, Checkbook, parent teacher meeting, waist-line, mind, and many other little odds and ends. Vanished

Is there hope for me, or is this early Alzeimer's? At least I remember to turn off the stove.

It's been awhile...

2008-02-22T18:19:00.005-04:00

Our house in the snow,

My happy little snow bunny

Dylan's first snow man or snow goddess

"Are you done eating that?"

My old house with the yard dug up

THe ugly expensive enemy

Hi everyone I am back. We are de-stressing from the move and our horrid oil tank nightmare. Our closing of our old house was delayed due an old rusted jerk, that lived under my soil for the past 60 odd years. It was consuming to deal with, all the frantic pone calls from the realtors, insurance company, lawyers and anyone else I forgot. My stress level was only heard by dogs it was so high. THe closing was neverending and all this pain was expensive. ....but.

One leaking air (yes air not oil) 6200.00
Closing costs form a poor choice in lenders over 10,000.00
Moving 800.00
My kids out all day in the snow playing with all their friends who live up the block, a room for Dylan, a place we love that is quiet and safe.....priceless!

So I am back to stay fellow bloggers. DYlan is almost 11 months old, and is crawling around like a monkey. He says. ma ma, da da ( for hours on end like a mantra), cat, that, and ba (ball). He is non stop action, as I type is is trying to hammer this laptop with a large metal lock. So I gave him my cell phone which always gives me at least 5 more minutes.

We had a snow day today, and everyone had fun including me! I think this is the first snowfall I have not had to go to work (I am an ER nurse). DYlan and I made a snow goddess.

Oh and today I fished a "pebble" out of his mouth. I noticed that it was foul smelling, it was a cat turd! Yes cat shit, in his little mouth. I had a heart attack, called the ER, and he will be OK. Everyone had a good laugh (except me, picturing a septic shock kid). At least he is on omnicef (for Strep), I hope Omnicef covers cat poop!

We are In!

2008-01-06T02:39:00.000-04:00

Thank you everyone for all your comments of support. We are now in the house, but the closing was pushed back until Monday. FYI, I had the closing from Hell. At 4pm with the entire loan funded, documants signed, Chase calls up and wants to change the loan. It seems they screwed up and I am taking the brunt of it. How bout an extra 12 grand at closing they never told me about. Even when I asked! And they changed the loan from a 30 year fixed to a 5 year ARM!! At the last minute, They suck anyone out there beware Chase is an unorganized cluster F of a bank. Friday was unreal and no one should ever have to experience the kind of day I had! I adopted 3 time from across the world and it was a cake walk compared to dealing with Chase. I was bummed because they are my local bank and I really loved them. Now my attorney and I are writing letter to anyone who cares. So inept, such bad business.

2 more days!

2008-01-01T18:26:00.000-04:00

In 2 more days we are moving! I thank God everytime we walk in the front door. We are so blessed to have this home. Here are some pictures,
Front

Back

French doors to sun room

Front door view from the stairs

The 2nd floor guest bathroon

Dylans crib. I hope he sleeps!

Center hall

Dining room

Kitchen window

Claire's room

Kitchen

Living room

Emily,s lounge

First Christmas all together

2007-12-27T00:27:00.000-04:00

Everyone needs some tinsel,

Our last Christmas in this house. In 1 week we are moving!

Christmas eve at grandma's

Emily and Dylan. Emily is getting way too mature and I want her to stop growing older. I would also like to not grow any older. Everyone else can age.

Mr life of the party.

Claire and grandma Cheryl.

Our first Christmas as a new family of 5. I can hardly believe the new year is here. Between the holidays and buying and selling 2 homes. I am a royal mess. I loose my keys all the time. Chris now has a vision of me in the future. I am old and gray, senseless and searching for my keys.

Emily has braces, Claire has mood swings. Dylan is so much fun. Someone called him my appendage, because we are rarely separated. He is always on my hip. Will he still be on my hip when I am old and gray and searching for my keys? The only thing he hates is diaper and clothing changes. Diaper changes are an Olympic event that I dread. Full blown stinkers are the only thing I rush for, the pee pee diapers mostly just fall off with sheer weight because I dread changing his diaper so much!

He is by all means a happy, happy baby. He loves to smile and bounce. He can occupy himself for at least an hour just pushing around a car or batting at a ball on the floor with his hands. He can wave and we think he is doing the itsy bitsy spider. He also babbles daa daa, ma ma and ba ba. He can power crawl and cruise. We are in love and want this move OVER, so we can go back to relaxing.

Merry Christmas all my wonderful friends. I wish you all a great new year.
My love,
Charisa

Charisa

We have a camera cable!

2007-12-23T22:58:00.001-04:00

SO I am back to blogging. Thank you Bobby for hooking me up with the camera cable on line store. We are moving in about 10 days and are so very happy! We are having things worked on at the new house so when we close it will be very easy. The owner is not living there and has let us move stuff in. TOmorrow we are having appliance delevered and then next weekend new kitchen counter tops! I am so very grateful. Our house is still under contract despite the fact that our underground oil tank failed!!!! Yuck, We are waiting for the soil test samples, but the tank failed due to some air above the line of the oil so we will just have to fix it. $$$$$$!!!!! But we really need to close and move on and suck it up. I would nver want the new home owners to deal with this problem. So I will fix it.

We bought a tree and put it up. It was looking rather lop sided on the bottom, when Claire told me that the dog's nail clippers cut the tree so well! Dylan is amazing. Raised with dogs he crawls over and up your leg and begs for whatever food you are eating. Full belly or not. this kid loves to eat .

These are 3 generations of Wolf men!

Our new house

What sisters do to their brothers hair, or if DYlan were a girl!

Dylan's yogurt beard...

Just to make the public aware that weim's have a very hard life. Call 1800-save-a-weim-from-working-2-hard.

Dylan and Bailey's front door secret, Bailey, "I took a dump in the yard". Dylan, "I took a dump in my pants".

Looking outside.

I just love this picture!

These boots were made fro walking!

Halloween Kisses.

No new roof..yee haa!!!

2007-12-15T17:02:00.000-04:00

The people buying my house decided not to ask for a new roof. They probably got the vibe that I would flip out if they asked for it, or googled my name (like I did theirs), read this blog and got the message here.
Thanks for all you support. Lets pray the oil tank is okay.
Does anyone know a good place to buy a camera cable? I need to post pictures very soon because there are so many good things and blessings in my life. As Bobby ponted out we have had these kids for almost 4 months after Christmas. Not a day goes by that I do not give thanks for the gifts in my life. Dylan has given us so much more love. Sometimes I look at him and my heart fills up with such love I can hardly bear it. I never knew love like this. He is happy being held, happy being fed, happy crawling about...happy just being anywhere his family is.

What is new.

2007-12-13T20:08:00.000-04:00

So much has been going on all at once, my head is spinning.

Still no sign of my camera cable. I need 10 minutes to really look for it.

Dylan had his first major illness. He had everything. All at once. BAM! Double ear infection, fever, wheezing, congested like , cannot breathe, plugged up airway congested, vomiting and explosive non stop diarrhea!.. The poor kid was a total train wreck. I no sooner changed his diaper then, another powerful explosion would come out. He was bad for3 days and sick for 1 week. I am so thankful to say he is now better.

To complete the illness, my house was still on the market, very nervous first time homebuyers were stalking it. Their visits were for 2+ hours, so me, sick kid, happy dog and the girls had to still leave the house. Then my husband got sick. Then these people made a low ball offer on the house, followed by the home inspector from hell. Every nook, every cranny, every door, flat surface and window. INSPECTED! Then he left me his own home disclosure of 5 pages. He wanted it ASAP. I am surprised he did not ask me if was a natural blonde. I mean really, nothing sets me off more than seeing my lovely silk curtains, mashed inside the hot steel radiator. Now I am just waiting for "the List".

That would be the List of home improvements I need to make. Mind you I dropped the price by 13,000. THe house has new windows, doors, floors, exterior and interior paint, new kitchen, appliances, 2 new bathrooms, electrical, new furnace, hot water heater, new walkways and driveway, and new gutters. So I hear my roof has only 5 more years on it...guess what they want? I am done. Enough. FInished. They are not getting a new ----ROOF!

Now I am getting a sore throat and chills. Stress is very powerful.

Dylan is a joy, I miss him when I am at work. Being at work for 12 hours in an ER is easier than being at home with the kids.

Now the holidays are coming up. Oh joy, a Christmas tree to clean up after. I think I need a rest. We are moving on the 5th of Jan, and I cannot wait to put this crap behind me. I will find the cable. Dylans pictures are so much cuter than my bitching.

Goodbye my Molly 1994-2007

2007-12-03T01:29:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago our beloved little corgi Molly died. She was a great dog for almost 13 years. She was all love, she never bit or hurt anyone. She was our "Supervisor", making sure everthing was okay. Always in the room watching, herding, and always looking for food. Food was the best thing in the world for her, She was vomiting everything she ate for the last 2 weeks, but still ate! Poor thing, I made her pasta and ground chicken. At least I know she had good food in her last few days.

She saw me bring 3 children home and loved them all like her little puppies. She especially loved kids because they usually had food, which she could easily reach, I never had a crumb in my kitchen because she could suck down food better than the most expensive vaccum cleaner! She was a professional eater, and that is a quality dear to my heart.

Just as I reached the painful decision to help her end her suffering, she gave me one last gift of love. She died peacefully in her sleep. She knew I could not bear to put her to sleep, Thank you Molly for being such a kind sweet dog, our buddy, our little corgi. We miss you and know you will wait for us in heaven. I still expect to see you at the door when I come home, wagging you tail!

I am a bad bad blogger!!!

2007-11-27T16:12:00.000-04:00

I know I have not posted in awhile. The main reason is I cannot find the pic bridge cable for my camera! I cannot find many things lately, the cable being one, my mind is another!
SO much has happened. Dylan is 8 months old. He ia such a gentle sweet old soul. I have never met such a good natured child. He eats everything and anything. He loves pasta and potatoes. Apple and pumpkin pie are his favorites. Today we shared a bagel with egg and cheese at dunkin donuts! Every mouthful is followed by a loud "YUM, MUM, MMMM!!!!" (And I wonder people stare at me!) My little lunch buddy. He crawls and plays his heart out. He now also pulls himself up and chatters non stop. He is an avid mommy'y boy and weeks will go by before he tolerates anyone else holding him. His smile lights up the room and he loves to laugh.

Chris started working for Wachovia the 1st week of November! I went back as well. Then we bought a house, then we put ours on the market. Never a dull moment over here! We are set to close in Jan. The house is less than a mile from here, so everyone stays in the same school! It is a completely rennovated 1930's center hall colonial, and we are so thankful.
Now for this house...there is one very interested couple and we hope they are going to make an offer soon. They are looking for a Feb closing, so only 1 month of 2 house payments would be fantastic! In the new house the girls have the entire 3rd floor to themselves with their own bathroom! We have a masterbathroom! Dylan has a bedroom! (He currently sleeps in the dinning room in a pack and play, and we all share a bathroom!)

So I promise I will find the cable to post some pictures. This is hard not to blog. We also need to start packing. Thanks to all my friends who like to read this, I miss the comments!

I could eat him up!!!

2007-10-29T23:17:00.000-04:00

Today we went to Babies r us and had some pictures taken. The man was a natural, crawling and smiling. A little top model! Needles to say we bought MANY photos. My favorite is the one of him holding his feet.

My cup runneth over...

2007-10-25T21:49:00.000-04:00

I sing this corny song to Dylan all the time. It means so much so me that such a simple thing is perfect for my love for him.
Sometimes in the morning when shadows are deep
I lie here beside you just watching you sleep
And sometimes I whisper what I'm thinking of
My cup runneth over with love

Sometimes in the evening when you do not see
I study the small things you do constantly
I memorize moments that I'm fondest of
My cup runneth over with love

In only a moment we both will be old
We won't even notice the world turning cold
And so, in these moments with sunlight above
My cup runneth over with love

Babies make everything full of sunlight from above. (Esp at 4am!) He turns me into mush. I will do anything for a smile. When he is being held by someone else and he wants me he gets very loud, and reaches frantically for me. When I pick him up he giggles and sighs and throws his arms around my neck and climbs as high as he can, up on my neck. ALmost like he wants to be in my skin. I love him. I love him. I love you Dylan. Everyone in this family loves this baby. He has given us all the wonder and hope of childhood.

We have been a family for 2 months now. We are all so in love. We have all grown so much closer. I think we all try harder to help each other. We wake up happy to be a unit. Our unit. I feel so blessed to have my children. To love them all so deeply. They all grow too quickly. We had an adoption reunion party last week end. Emily has been our child for over 11 years now, she will soon be 12. The girls get along so well and I am so grateful for the people I met through adoption.

In the past month Dylan now speed crawls, pulls himself anywhere he can. He also eats like a champ! Anything and everything and if we are eating it we better be able to share. OR ELSE! I had to go to work last week and help teach an Er Peds class. I lectured with him on my hip...blowing raspberries! (Dylan, not me)

First mountain

2007-10-08T21:16:00.000-04:00

My 2 favorite human men. (The other man is my dog).

We took a short hike to the top of Owl Mountain. The fall colors we incredible.

"Mommy, I hope you brought another diaper!"

Clearly being carried up and down a mountain is very exhausting!

Dylans mountaintop commentary....

Lake Placid mini break

2007-10-05T22:17:00.000-04:00

Every year around my birthday Chris will humor me and actually, willingly hike a large mountain with me. So every year we come back to my favorite place in the world. Lake Placid NY. We got engaged on the top of one of the high peaks and I cannot wait to get Dylan up the mountain. I bought a kelty backpack at the local consignment store and will try it out tomorow. We had a nice ride and Dylan was a trooper. Bailey was a nervous wreck, weird, cause he is a seasoned car rider. He ended up with his big monkey self sitting on the floor on top of a can of formula and jars of baby food. Ok, totally random, but has anyone ever passed gas and blamed it on the dog? Can somone tell the difference? Our converstaion this weekend is centered around this topic! Glad we are parents of three! I will let you know tomorrows topic.
We had a great diner at the cottage. We did take out and sat on the lower deck on the lake, drinks and all. Best view, best company, my men and me! The girls were with their dad. Normally I work this weekend but am off for another month. Will post some fall views tomorrow.

ah...ma ma!

2007-09-30T20:40:00.000-04:00

AT 6 months old, all he wants to do is crawl. He gets up on all 4's and makes monkey noises, and says mama! He sounds frustrated but that is nothing to the squacking he lets out if you try to stop the man!

What we do when Dylan is sleeping and we are alone!

2007-09-29T10:45:00.000-04:00

Last night while we were waiting for our friends to come over for dinner. We had a few moments to ourselves.

Bailey quickly located the cheese platter. He is trying very hard not to be noticed.

But try as he might he is just a dog.

And he is up! That cheese really looks and smells great! Maybe just a taste, no one would notice.

Daddy did I ever tell you how much cheese means to me in my life. Cheese would make me a better person, I mean dog, I'd do anything for cheese. Cheese would complete me!

He's as sweet as tupelo honey...

2007-09-25T21:10:00.000-04:00

What is everyone looking at?

Bailey helping to clean the baby!

Making dinner tonight my favorite Van Morrrison song came on. I scooped up my little man and we had our first slow dance in the kitchen. I was choked up because I remember dancing with my girls to this tune when they were babies. Claire was always "My Brown Eyed Girl", Em was my Tupelo Honey Girl. Life is such a sweet circle and I feel so incredibly joyous to be able to raise one more child. As I started to sing, Emily told Dylan, "Welcome to the crazy house, she dances too!"
Oh well, he is young enough.
Other observations today:
- As I was running to change the 4th major poopy diaper I stepped in dog vomit with bare feet, through my toes!
-One of the kids has atomic poops that clog up the toilet and have to be manually removed. Happened today as well. Lucky me!
-Someone has a book report due in 2 days and has 100 pages more to read. I almost encouraged lying to the teacher, but caught myself.
-Chris went to a job interview at 9am to find out it is for NEXT tuesday.
-My 100 dollar coffee pot exploded over the weekend.
But who cares because I have the cutest little boy in the world, who I love to hold and kiss. Did you check ou the thighs?

I am blessed!

2007-09-23T10:37:00.000-04:00

I am blessed to have in my life wonderful friends, and family. Yesterday my good friends Rita and Judy threw us a beautiful shower. They put so much time and effort into it planning and decorating and COOKING! (The food was terrific and I am still full 1 day later.) Thank you everyone who was there, I am so lucky to have you all in my life. These woman are my friends AND their daughters and sons are friend with my girls. We all know each other through the grammer school, and our children, and through the years have become so close. I never worry about getting stuck and not being present when school lets out. One phone call and anyone will stand in for me.
It was a great time and Dylan was the life of the party. Claire got a new camera for her 9th birthday and took pictures of every detail. The kids and adults had a great time.
After the party Chris and I took a drive into a local town with lots of cafes and quaint charm. We got some coffee and sat on a bench to people watch. Dylan woke up in the sling, big smile on his face. He reached out and put his baby arms around my neck, hugging me with all his might. In the background a man was playing "Somewhere over the rainbow" on the violin. I look over at my sweet husband, with this little man nestled into me. I will never forget that moment. All the dreams that I have dared to dream, really have come true!

I know I am home because...

2007-09-18T05:49:00.000-04:00

I am so home and I love it. Up all night with a poor baby who has his days and nights mixed up. Up all night with a stinky farting dog glued to our side! I don't mind, just need some sleep, just maybe an hour or 2. My husband could sleep through the apocolypse on a bed of needles. RIght now the kid who has been moaning all night was just put in his bouncer and is staring at me and crying, it is 5am. The happy calypso music coming from the rainforest bouncer should make us all happy right? Kind of like Pan skipping through the woodland forest, playing his flute, putting smiles on all the mythical creatures he charms, right? Yeah I know get some rest girl.

Okay the kid is happy now, he had a bottle, had a big bad diaper change, a book and is now scraping the netting on the pack and play! Must go soon, Emily is up for middle school. I hope you enjoy the pictures. Dylan has his first official Dr's appointment with vaccines!! Woo hoo!! The poor kid. I will be in the wardrobe looking for Narnia.

To the moon and back...HOME!

2007-09-14T03:53:00.000-04:00

>
Claire's new duds

Feeding baby brother

We decided Dylan needed a snuggle toy, we call them woobies, so he got two, one for each cheek. Thanks Aunt Jen for my Bumpo!
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Scary tired mom and her Mr America
Our good friend Judy
>
Uncle Chris that "airport guy"

Auntie Jen

Dylans new passport and Citizenship!

I had a 2 hour window on Wednesday to get a flight home. Visas in hand at 4pm. cab to airport 5:30pm, then to Bangkok then to JFK, NY, and 26 hours later we landed on American soil! I only had time to send out emails to let everyone I would be home.
Chris my husband had to work so my buddy Chris D picked my sorry self and sweet happy kid up at the airport. My awesome friend and Dylans godmom was waiting at the house with the girls. I was happy inside to my core. Thes looked so sweet so beautiful, I love them with a pang in my heart. To see them with their brother was an answer to our prayers.
We rested, hung out, I took a fabulous shower, kiled the chin hair, while everyone played with Dylan. I took him to work where my friend Arnie checked him out and gave him a clean bill of health. We then went to babies are us where Jen spoled him some more. She bought him a bumpo seat and tray, a rear view mirror and lots of other cool stuff. Thank you Jenn, we love you.
Daddy was home at 6. THe good news is he has his son, and we re all fine, but sadly the home mortgage market sucks and he was just laid off today! What a day! HE left VN early to come back to work, go figure!
So in a nutshell that was our day. I kept the phone off because I really wanted to keep it low key, so I am sorry I didn't call everyone. I still feel like a 400 year old zombie. My back is screaming from carrying all the stuff and the cute kid. It is now 4am we have been up for 2 hours, had a meal, played and now here we still are! Bailey is curled up with us, I love that dog (who REALLY needs a bath).
Now life begins for real. Watching NY come into view from the airline window, I was telling Dylan about his family. "Dylan this is where we live. Today you are going to meet your sisters for the first time. They are going to love you and hold you and play with you all the time. Even when mommy is tired. They are never too busy to play, never bored of playing peekaboo. and can read the same bok over and over again. Their hearts are full of love..." This is when I became choked up, because I remember bringing each of them home. The story is always the same. Some of the charactors have changed. I know that I helped put the love in their hearts simply by loving them! This child completes our family gives us joy, has brought us all closer together. To watch the girls play with him marveling at every coo and smile brings their childhood flashing back to me. All the soft warm baby kisses, all sweetness and innocence...it all comes back. These kids are a product of their parents love for them, and they will pass it on. Emily, Claire and Dylan, mommy loves you, and always will, to the moom and back.

It's the simple things in life

2007-09-11T03:59:00.000-04:00

Today we found coffee that you can get "to go". We were in heaven. Kari and I got a cappucino and a latte to go at this little place called Little Hanoi. The conainers were the kind that Dunkin donuts gives for cold drinks, but we did not care. To walk arround with a coffee was pure heaven, no matter that it was burning our hands.
I picked a teeshirt from the drawer that was clean soft and fresh, smelled like home. Made me happy. Made me pine for my washer and dryer. Dylan only likes 2 nipples. I wash those nipples to death, I love my dishwasher and local target store, where everything you need is just and easy scooter free drive to fulfill you every whim. Heck... I even miss Comcast and my car payments. I even miss shoprite on crazy crowed weekend before a major holiday...can I say it, I still don't miss work! Not the company, just the 12 hour shifts, when I miss going to work over being in Hanoi, you know it is bad.
I have scabies , yuck, I creamed myself up and tomorrow will boil my clothes (I still don't miss work). I have just a bubble on my knuckle, but I feel nasty and supercharged itchy. I may feel yucky for the rest of my life. Claire and I survived head lice so I guess a little bubble of scabies can be dealt with.
All in all The kid is worth everything. He is a gift from God that I cherish and am truely thankful for. I am blessed!
Now when you say I would cross a crowed street in Hanoi for you, it has a whole new meaning.

Tis is Dylans buddy Eylia. They are the same age. Dyaln stole the food!

Peek a boo!

Eylia shoping with cash in hand!

My little bowling ball of fun.

2007-09-09T11:56:00.000-04:00

Someone is growing.

I noticed this after slinging him around for the past few days solo. I love to carry him, to never put him down, but my back is screaming. The heat is also like walking about in a steamroom. Sweat pours everywhere, and I feel cruel sweating all over this poor kid. Not to mention the diaper bag! He is always drenched in my sweat after our long walks. So I found the coolest 3 wheeled stroller for 28 dollars. It is very lightweight and durable. I can pick him and the stroller up when crossing the horrific streets, he seems to like it, I just bought it last night, like something snapped in my head or back! Other than having issues holding him all day, he is just wonderful, an sweet easy baby. I tok him to the art museum, he was fun. He loved loking at all the colors. There were guides and small groups having serious discussions about art history, painterly style, function and form. Our take on fine art,
"Dylan look at the fish, fish, fish, fishy face, are you my little fishy face. OH LOOK a pretty purple water buffalo, oh we love big stong buffalos," and on and on...

Our balcony and view

Our new stroller...

There is a child in this bubble playing

Swan boats

Check out these crutches Chris D. Bet they are a ton of fun to size up. See how easy you have it. I wonder if they come with instructions not to use them on stairs?

I Carry your heart with me

2007-09-07T10:43:00.000-04:00

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) ee cummings

Today Chris left for home. We were both crying like small children, our parting was like a lifetime drama. As the cab pulled away I felt so alone. My heart was aching. To part over 9000 miles away from home is hard. I know I will see him within 1 week, but he is my best friend. He is the one who makes me laugh until I can't stand up, the one who hears all my secrets and fears and loves me no matter what. We had this poem as one of our wedding readings because we loved it. When you have kids the entire meaning of these words changes. It becomes more real. "The wonder that keeps the stars apart"...I see it every day when Dylan's little face looks up and smiles at me.

Dylan's hat is evidence that we have been watching the Discovery channel 24/7 for almost 2 weeks(only channel working!) Kid vs the Wild Streets of Hanoi! Can cross the roads while balanced in a sling, living on bottles of formula only, sleeping in a crib! One tough dude, one cool hat!

It really is wonderful to see Chris as a father to his son. He has a fear of poopie diapers, and Dylan prefers me for night time bottles (thanks kid, what did your dad teach you when I went shopping?). Chris also can play with Dylan, hold him, and rock him to sleep for hours. He did not put him down for last past few days.

So Chris be careful, be safe. We carry your heart with us, we carry it in our hearts. Your love has made us complete!

15 pounds of perfection.

2007-09-06T10:39:00.000-04:00

Dylan had his clinic appointment to get cleared for his visa. He is 15 pounds, ad 64 cm long. The Md there loved him (he is charmng with the ladies). He does have a left ear infection which explains the vomiting and a mild wheeze. So he is now on some meds. This could also be why he has been so fussy at night. Poor man. he had some new tricks. He has this moose toy, and when you say kiss the moose he does and then cracks up. he is now on his tummy singing to his moose and firefly! Such an easy kid to please, effortless to love unconditionally with all your heart.

We were clipped today crossing the street by a teen girl on a bike. She ran into my leg and arm and narrowly missed Dylans head! I of course yelled at her and then burst into tears. I mean the traffic is crazy. All the scooters on my right thundering down the road and she is going straight into the mess from my left. This is the only thing I hate about Hanoi.

Dylan can scoot across the bed, he lifts u his but, and then propels himself forward on his face. We call him the bulldozer.

Chris is leaving tomorrow. I feel lonely already. I enjoy my best friend. We are waiting to hear form the Us gov. From 12-3 we are sent to our rooms to wait for the call.

Goin' to the zoo, zoo...zoo?

2007-09-05T10:11:00.000-04:00

Well I must say the zoo was interesting? PETA would probably arrest us for even thinling about going there much less paying 25 cents each to go there. We had a great day never the less

We started our day at the temple of literature, Very old around the year 10,800. A structure dedicated to learned men, scholars. Over 300,000 of them. Their names carved in stone tablets with turtles at the base. A very beautiful place. We then decided to take our son to the zoo. A zoo in a developing country. We were curious. The people were so nice to us and very curious about us. We were the only non Vietnamese there. Set in a large park with a lake. We skipped the feathered friends, bird flu on our minds. We walked on to see many monkeys and apes. All of them were in clean cages, holding their young. The children jumped the fences and were hand feeding the monkeys. Apparently the monkeys re quite tame and used to junk food! There were may rats frolicing about the grass, kinda like our squirrels at home, but many more!

The lion was very sad as were the elephants. Pacing, thin, and very stressed. Looking sickly and I had to walk away. The animals were clean, but I had to walk away esp from the elephants. The scooters were ever present, driving through the zoo as well. the area was slighly decripit but we never felt unsafe. As I said the people here are very friendly. If you smile at them, when they are sizing you up, they warmly smile back. They really love kids, esp babies. They are very family centered.

Our hotel now has the discoery channel only. We now are experts on survival, hauntings, death defying acts, and the general business of human fortitude, Of course we now have Austrailian accents, much like Bear Grylles from Man vs Wild. We narrate everything we do like we are on a survival show. Thank God we are married because any outsider would HATE being around us. We never get tired of the same joke!

Dylan is so sweet we love him more everyday. He had a coughing fit after his 8 ounce bottle, he vomited the entire feeding from his mouth and nose. Poor dear. He then is fine, lungs are clear. I am sure he will wake up soon starving. Tomorrow the babies go to the SOS clinic to get approval for their travel. We get their Vietnamese passports, and are still waiting for the US embassy approval. Chris is leaving in less than 48 hours. What am I going to do? I will miss him, he really is my best friend and a terrific father. I am going to try to get a flight as soon as I can. The only problem is the flights arrive during morning rush hour in NYC. I don't want to harrass any friends to pick us up, so I may stay until I can arrive on Sat, or surprise everyone and take the train home from the airport. We will see. Too much to think about. Enjoy the pictures...

Great day, great company!

2007-09-03T10:26:00.000-04:00

Our entire group rented a van and went to a local silk factory village. We were all itching to get out. The village was about 35 minutes outside of the city, and really interesting. Winding alley ways, with scattered shops. We walked around and were fascinated by glimpses into peoples lives. Ever present were the scooters, tooting away, on your back. It is amazing how people make due with so little. Families crammed into 2 small rooms, very sad people begging for money. It breaks my heart to see how unfortunate some people are. I am humbled by my good fortune and wonderful life, in the face of such poverity and desolation. I wish I could do more, give more, and often wonder, what happened that they are so unfortunate and I am so blessed. Life can be so cruel.

After we shopped we all went back to the hotel where we had some coffee, and a beverage. Then all walked out for a great meal. The babies are all thriving. Dylan was rejected by Lily (she is an older girl of 7 months)! They started out holding hands, then she got mad at him and gummed his hand! He just looked so hurt! THe little lip went down and he started to cry. I think I have a sensitive man here. I guess he needs to learn his place early with his house at home full of women. Poor guy! God I love this little man.

He woke up happy today and talked to his hands for about 30 mintues, then he sang to my knee, then he gave lots of kisses and hugs. At this point I have melted and will do anything he wants. He loves to look at books and talks to books too! He love to touch the mastercard sign at the hotel door. If you say "touch the sign" he will! Pure genious. He also had a poop for me while I was singing him Stairway to Heaven. Led Zepplin moves me too! Not exactly in that way.

More Pictures

2007-09-01T19:17:00.000-04:00

I look like a hippie chick and feel like a spring chicken (chickens are good luck here)! Someoneis sleeping 13 hours and counting (so is daddy!).
He cried a few times and I gave him some formula and he went back to sleep. He is wheezing slightly so he also got some Albuterol in his sleep. Really helps him. He breathing is fine, no distress just a wheezy cough.

Here are just some of my favorite pictures.

I love this one the most because his smile lights up the room. He loves to smile, and kiss and cuddle.

PS Jackhammer guy must have had a hot date because Sat night there was no extra noise. Just 5 million people on scooters blowing horns constantly. I will have to post a video because the scooter and car traffic is not to be believed. I saw a woman holding her husband breasfeeding her infant while riding a scooter. Familes of 4 or 5 fit on a scooter. people carry large panes of glass, desks, bookcases, cages of farm animals, small dangling children on their scooters! No helmets either! They do not stop for red lights, drive the opposite way on one way streets, drive on sidewalks, go through red lights, aim at pedestrains, all while honking the horn. Crossing the street is better than a large coffe to get the blood flowing. They don't stop, just kinda drive around you. You cannot stop either or trip (not easy for me), because to fall down would throw off the crazy rhythm. The exhaust smell is very heavy and the reason I have no desire to go running at all.
I miss all my friends. I miis my family. I miss brushing my teeth with tap water, I also miss having a sink with no small ants crawling around in it. This is quite an experience. I also miss having long hair, and am done cuting it (random thought).

Today we are going to church to give thanks for our family. Tomorrow we are going to try a trip to Ha long bay.
I love getting out of this city. Take care everyone...Dylan is still sleeping!!! I promise not to complain about that!LOL!!

Day at the museum.

2007-09-01T09:25:00.000-04:00

We spent a wonderful day at the museum of Ethnology. It was about 100 or more degrees, like a steam bath, but the museum was so interesting we did not seem to mind. It had some amazing exhibits of Vietnamese ethnic groups with life size village huts and houses. It was 3 dollars for both of us to get in. 4 dollars to use the camera! So we took 115 pictures.
Here are the highlights:

Guess Who Slept throught the night?

2007-09-01T09:19:00.000-04:00

This guy did!!!!

Thank you to all how emailed me with suggestions and comments I appreciae your advise. I love the emails and comments, makes me less homesick! I just love this little guy.

I hate sleeping! Love screaming!

2007-08-31T10:39:00.000-04:00

Why is it that most kids hate to sleep, and fight it like a monster? On the flip side, most adults, like me love to sleep, love to nap, will pay good money to relax. I would pay very good money for 1 night of sleep! it seems that someone very cute loves to be moving 24/7. Which is fine if the little person had an army of people to walk him around the streets of Hanoi in a baby carrier, but, for 1 little baby, these 2 adults are very tired. Not to mention it is 11pm and the construction workers across the street are jackhammering, sawing and hammering with a vengence. I should see if someone jackhammering would want to wear Dylan in a sling all night. He would probably love it!

We are otherwise exhausted, and very exhausted, and did I mention we are tired? We had our 1st interview with INS today (US government). All went well and now we just have to wait for Dylans visa. Tomorrow we will try to do some sightseeing, depending on how well tonight goes. Wish us luck....

Baby bootcamp and the miracle of the wooden crib

2007-08-29T14:03:00.000-04:00

Well it seems I am not a spring chicken anymore. One 14ish pounder has put me to shame, This is why my posts are short and sweet. It is 1 am said baby is finally sleeping, I should be too, except for the jackhammer across the street. I think the operater of the #$@&%@!!! jackhammer should also be sleeping or slapped, but that is just my opinion.
More about Mr. D...He is not that big on sleeping that stuff is for the babies not him you know. I was not aware of this, silly me. He also is not a fan of pooping it seems. poor thing. He has been screaming bloody murder when ever he is not wrapped aroung your neck and jigged profoundly. Me not being a spring chicken can only do this for 12 hours straight, his father does not even come close to getting the movement right.
We thought he would hate the crib so we did not want one. We thought he would prefer the closeness of our love and warmth as opposed to a hard wooden crib. We, thank God were wrong, he sleeps, SLEEPS, as in Sleeps...in this crib, WHOHOO!!!
I need my friend and coworker Brian, to come here and give this kid an enema. He is so bound up, screaming in pain and straining, after 3 glycerine suppositories, a small rock hard ball was passed, there is more. Poor thing fell asleep pushing. The orphanage had him on 2 bowls a day of rice cerial, I will have to switch to fruit, He loves to taste his food, we gave him apples and blueberries tonight, hands and feet were going in appreciation, So much to love about thr kid. Jack hammer is on break, my turn to sleep. So exciting for me!

At last...

2007-08-28T05:54:00.000-04:00

Well all I can say is... Thank you God! You have given us the sweetest, happiest baby. He was so well cared for. he is a perfect ray of sunshine. Happy smiling. He hugs, nestles his sweet little self into your arms and neck, He loves to be kissed and squeezed and he even opens his mouth to to kiss and gives kisses freely. We are in love, this child is amazing. It was long day,I will write more later.

Sooner that later.

2007-08-27T12:26:00.000-04:00

Sooner than later he will be our little man, Em and Claire's little brother. We cannot know what tomorrow brings. We have spent the day whith Zubin, Nicoles baby, and he is just so mellow sweet and loves to smiles and coo. Then he eats, then he sleeps.
We wrapped all the gifts and are getting up and 4am to leave for Lang son by 5am. So we will have him in the morning. We are in a jet lagged fog of bliss. Cannot wait to fall deeper in love with our son. My husband had better share!

We Are Here!

2007-08-26T18:08:00.000-04:00

26 hours from door to door and we are in here in Vietnam. Niclole and Karen were waiting for us at the hotel, It was like meeting long lost family. They took us to our room, it is clean and large with the most beautiful patio. We then met Kari and her husband, everyone is so nice. I fell like I could talk to them all night,

The trip was uneventful expect for a few little issues.
1=The car driver in NJ to NYC airport was a trainwreck. He smelled so bad like BO, and when he put the ac on, he blew his stink on me! It was like a Seinfield Eplisode. But then it gets so much better. He was FALLINg ASLEEP AT the WHEEL. OMG!!!Like in we are in the highway, he is going 75mph and we are feeling like we may die. Nodding off he nearly clips the center divider. we are in the back like Hey buddie. WTF!. I was mentally going over the fact that we were in this heavy duty ford expitition like the kind I think our governor was in, and making a note that the ones in that accident who were wearing their seatbelts lived! Even if we cashed we had 4 hours to fly! As long as I don't end up getting rolled near the driver and he gets his stink on me!
The 18 hour fight was tolerable due to an amazing amout of leg room and lots of good food
.
2 At a security check point in Bankok The Official picked up Chris's insulin syringes and smiling said"Yes I take OK"?
we say no you can't take no way, she still smiling says 'no needle I take, sorry!" Us ,not smiling say that Chris is a diabetic and will die, whip out our note, and are told to sit. WE sit and wait then we go the the plane with the needles. On the plane the bus driver and ramp operater comes to our seat and asks to look at 2 needles. THe pilot wants to see. Needles are shown to the pilot and returned. Everyone is happy, everyone is smiling.

We get the babies tomorrow and I cannot wait. I am on the balcony, the sun is coming up, the horns are honking, I hear roosters crowing in the apartment across from me. So wonderful, one day closer and 9000 miles nearer to my little man.

Gratitude.....

2007-08-24T22:24:00.000-04:00

I would like to take a minute to thank the awesome women in my life...

First there is my mom...what t can I say...I love her so!

My mother has been there for me through everything. And I mean everything. No one on this planet has loved me more than her. She is the #1 fan of me, more than me. I have never been so lucky to have such a wonderful mother as her. She has shown me love, thick and thin, sickness and health. She is- till death do us part. I am amazed at her courage and spark. Thank you mom for always being there for me. For easing the pain, so all your hugs and kisses. I love you so so much! I would have never made it to number 3 if it was not for your help. You are such a terrific grandma to Em and Claire. I am so blessed to have you here to know Dylan, you are the answer to all my prayers. I am the mom I am because of you! You are such a fun person!

The next amazing woman in my life is my Aunt Irene...

She is also there for me no matter what. She is like a 2nd mother to me. My children are also blessed to have her in their life. She is my Fathers sister, raised during the depression. She has been my role model for working. Ever since I remember I always waited for her to come home from work. Her work ethic is awesome! Never sick, always there, working hard, being the best you can be. She taught me about financial freedom. Always a saver, but so generous to me. She has helped me bring Dylan home. I am so blessed that he will know you as well. What you have given me in this world is security, a sense of what is essential. You taught me to work my butt off! I love you for that...

And these little ladies? What can I say...

Emily and Claire, you have given me the greatest gift of all. You have given me the gift of being your mom. Plain and simple my greatest blessing in this world... Knowing and loving these 2 girls! They humble me, make me proud, make me crazy, drop me to my knees with joy. I have never ever had such an experience that makes me feel so alive. You both are beautiful, strong girls and I am blessed to have you as my daughters. You are going to give Dylan so much love and attention. I cannot wait to see you as role models in his life.
Emily, Claire, Aunt Irene and Mom... I love you all.. I am grateful for your influence in my life. Thank you... I love you!

A few days and counting...

2007-08-21T09:40:00.000-04:00

Today is my last shift at work. I am beyond happy. I have decided to take off 12 weeks unpaid leave. The only hard part is the UNPAID!. There are no other options for adoptive parents. I also need a rest form taking care of other people. I think I have a tiny amount of career burn out (happens in nursing), so I plan to savor the time with my kids and new baby.

The house is chaos. I have a mound of stuff on the dinning room table that has to somehow make it into 3 medium and 1 small suitcase. Also I think I need to go and get some more tee shirts as I have been told to cover up the armpits (I love the sleeveless look!).

We brought craft items for the older kids in the orphanage, and gifts for the care takers and local officials. I also made a photo book of us to give to the birthmom. We have sponsored a 12 year old boy so we got him some stuff as well. I think I am going to have a hard time being away from my girls for 3 weeks. My youngest is stressing a bit, and I will need to spend every last minute here with them but...they just want to watch TV!!!

Packin the Bags!!

2007-08-15T23:52:00.000-04:00

Well... WE ARE GOING TO VIETNAM!!!!!!

I mean it we have the tickets and everything! We are leaving on Sat Aug 25th, after a refreshing 18 hours of pure in flight joy we will be landing in Bangkok, then another 2 hours to Hanoi. We will arrive at 8pm, and get himself on Monday the 27th. This seems surreal, like something I would read on on other people's blogs. I really am amazed. How could I be so lucky?

Of course now I am wondering what I am going to do with myself on a flight that long. Most people would fret about scary things, but I worry about being bored, no leg room, no exercise, backaches, nothing to do, I am such a child and need to grow up. Anyone who knows me know I suffer from adult ADHD. I am a nut and a half!!

All kidding aside I am thankful to have the luxury of a 10 day notice. I have so much to do and cannot wait to savor every minute of it. Nicole, Karen and Erika I cannot wait to hug you all! Karey and Sandi I am blessed to have you to travel with, Such amazing people, for such an incredible experience.

Shirley-your 3am prayer group works miracles. You knew I needed a lift, a confirmation. Praise God, he is giving me the greatest gift. I will get my butt to church this Sunday!

I'm bored, so bored!

2007-08-13T08:30:00.001-04:00

Ho hum. Here I am waiting to confirm my loose travel date. I am wearied, feelin dull, uninspired. None of my little "tricks" are working for me anymore....

...I check the phones, cell and home line, check my emails, check other people's blog. When I have confirmed that NOTHING is going on, I find something else to do. Something else is cleaning, running, playing or hanging out wih the girls, going to the gym, planning my attire for Vietnam (including shoes), checking airfares, reading, and looking travel stuff for Vietnam, and planning on cutting more of my hair! Not always in that order. So everyone out there who thought I might be a deep, spiritual person...sorry! That deep stuff will come back, I just need to hold my son. That's all. I just need to know when.

If we were M+M's

2007-08-10T09:48:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my fellow blogger Jen, I was able to pass some more time and visualize what my family would look like as candy.
Dylan

Chris...this really looks like him!

Claire

Emily

Me!

This can prove to be hours of fun, you can even make a movie with you, as an M+M, as the star.
Try it at M+M fun on my links to the right!

Back to waiting, we are home!

2007-08-07T07:58:00.000-04:00

Well, we came home yesterday. I wish we had more time. The girls always seem to bicker and fight. I guess that is normal for sisters. I am an only child so it upsets me. I came home to a very wound up dog! He ran around like a crazy animal he was so happy to see us he could not settle. He is my constant companion and we always take him with us, but the hotel had no pet rooms available.

So, we get home and my big lumbering maniac (not my husband) dog lacerates his paw in the yard, bleeds all over the kitchen floor, 70 pounds of frantic muscle pumping blood everywhere. The other calm dog decides to help by lapping up the blood on the floor, while the kids are now stepping and tracking blood everywhere as well. Four of us work hard to clean, dress, and apply a pressure dressing to the paw. It was not easy. Poor Mr. Frantic (the dog), kept me up all night, sniffing, and cuddling with me. Husband had to sleep on the couch because the dog could not get close enough to me. I guess weims really do get serious separation anxiety. The paw seems to be okay this morning.

The mini break also gave me practice to blog away from home. We also were able to use I chat. This is apple's way to video conference by computer. Very cool, and worked very well. After seeing myself in the picture I now really hate my hair. WHat was I thinking???? I need my ponytail back!!!

On the adoption front...I heard from the AGENCY and the news is still not what I wanted to hear. I looks like maybe we might go the Vietnam around Aug 27th. Which will most likely get pushed back a few more weeks! I am crushed. We pushed our real vacation plans back to Aug 24th, because the Aug 17th plans were cutting it too close. So I lost the original time off from work, will loose this slot, and our 3rd back up of Sept 14th will most likely be cancelled as well. I don't care about myself, but I wanted the kids to have some fun. Plus they are starting school! This feels like a merry go round. We go no where, just a lot of up and down. The AGENCY also needs more documents fom me, at this point we are just done. So much for the 8-12 weeks estimate we were told almost 14 weeks ago. I guess I just have to realize I am powerless, and have no control, and just need to breathe, and drink red wine!

Big Crow Mountain

2007-08-04T23:33:00.000-04:00

Claire getting ready to hike.

signing in at the trail head

Natures play ground

Posing at the summit

Claire loves to gather flowers

Emily clearly loves to hike!

We sat back and enjoyed the clouds

Nothing can compare to hiking the mountains with kids. Especially my kids. Claire was happy today, collecting flowers, holding my hand. Em on the other hand was, well, cranky. She was miserable the entire way up, on the top, missing the view. Everyone was a "butt", or something equally as bad. Pre teeness has kicked in full swing. At least Claire just lets go and has a 1 hour tantrum, Em's mood can really wear you down. She did perk up on the way down. Charming. She is funny at the lake and the pool, any male person wearing a speedo is quite a conversation piece. Claire calls it swim model wear, Emily calls speedo's wrong. I think I agree with Emily!

We had a great day, despite my horrid passion for the moutains. We ended the day with the movie Underdog. Very G rated and cute. Walking back I kept trying to sing "Good Morning Baltimore", and dance. It was awesome to see how much I embarrassed the kids. They were priceless because they really thought I was going to sing and dance in the street. I had them going...if I only knew the words. I always wanted life to be a musical.

Greetings from Lake Placid

2007-08-03T23:03:00.000-04:00

With our plans to be in Vietnam late July or early August foiled, I decided I was foolish placing our lives on hold for the unknown. So squeezing my 12 hour shifts to the beginning of 1 week and the end of the following I was able to manage 5 off in a row without taking any vacation time. We are very understaffed at work so this was a blessing. I will have to pay when I get home but...

So I packed up some bags and two great kids... off to our favorite spot in the world, Lake Placid. We come up 2-3 times, a year and just love it. We stay at this great hotel on Mirror Lake, nestled in the heart of the alpine-like village. Shopping, food, ice cream, movies, red wine for mommy, swimming, kayaking, and the most awe inspiring mountain trails ever! This is a girls only weekend, I have a chance to be with my favorite 2 people in the universe. I feel so blessed that they crave my company and fight over who gets to sleep with me! I feel like a celebrity.

Today we swam and went paddeling in the lake, ate, shopped and more swimming. Now we are all chillin, they are enjoying watching the Disney Channel. I think they could enjoy that 24/7, as long as food was delivered to their chairs. We all bought books, Claire is reading Children of the Lamp, Em is reading the the latest Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and I am LOVING Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. Cannot put it down.

So everyone, I feel I am back to reality. This adoption is not an easy road, but as I look up and see these 2 amazing girls, I am speechless. For the grace of God we are a family, we belong to each other, love each other, no matter what. I watch them grow every day, nothing short of a miracle, a leap of faith that gave us each other. As the days go by I know sometimes I miss the big picture, I often miss the point, I take things for granted and live in my comfort zone. But I am only human, and for this moment I am just a mom who loves and cherishes her kids.

Claire is playing ring toss on Em's legs!

Hope ?

2007-07-28T17:01:00.000-04:00

This is not me, arms up into the sunshine, high on life, diggin the universe. It is a random stock photo.

I wish it was me, not exactly in that pose, but feelin the light. What does that mean? I just want to feel more... like there will be a day (very, very, soon) when we will get our travel date, to go to Vietnam to get our chubby little man. The agency sent up new pictures yesterday, four in all, and he is just plain cute. Big wide nose, soul rimmed eyes, dimples on his hands. How can you look at a hand, and love it. This girl can! He shows a 4 different emotions in each picture. Kind of like me. Sometimes I can have far too many emotions going on at once, (esp when I have PMS, which seems like all the time,lately).

So, this will be the new and improved me. The me with a good attitude, a person of stongness and fortitude (is that a real word, and what does it mean). I will be a mental health role model. A perfect picture of a very happy waiting (12 week!!!) adoptive parent. I will not worry about anything (like my son getting older without me, fleas, the stockmarket, no travel dates, agency thingy's, summer almost being over), no worries. Just hope.

Hope that tomorrow is a day closer to holding my son. Hope that my daughters can delight in the joy of their baby brother. Monday is a new week (week 13 but who really is counting anyway?), and MAYBE I will hear something good.

Welcome to Lake Disappointment

2007-07-23T22:35:00.000-04:00

Welcome to our summer home on Lake Disappointment, the sun still shines, life goes on. Dogs bark, children play, and the mother and father are very sad. They are feeling like a part of their soul is missing. They are missing their little boy Dylan in Vietnam.

The father even cries sometimes when talking about his son. We all know the mother cries normally a lot, so now she cries more especially when listening to music about little boys.

The root of our disappointment is no travel date, and no hope of one this week or next, so our disappointment has turned into disenchantment...

Which is now extreme FRUSTRATION!!!

CAN SOMEONE

PLEASE TELL ME

WHERE OUR PAPERWORK IS, SO...

WE CAN BE WITH OUR SON!!!!!!

Waiting...505...Graduate Level.

2007-07-14T16:49:00.000-04:00

There are chairs made just for waiting...

Kittens wait as well, frequently for high fives.....

...dogs being very loyal are the best at waiting. They convey a a sadness in their eyes (hence the phrase sad puppy dog eyes). Everyone instantly connects with this look of forlornness. It does not work for me. Dogs can also hold large objects in their mouth, and it really compliments them. I just look silly.

Men with beards can wait as well, for what? My guess is chewing tobacco, or whiskey.

Birds prefer to wait on wires, in large groups. Tip: don't wait under the birds.

Mail. Post office, fed ex, UPS, email, whatever. This is a very difficult thing to wait for.

Apple I phone is a very trendy item to wait for. Not in my top 10, but they look pretty cool.

If you have not guessed by now, I am loosing my mind waiting for a @#$!%!* TRAVEL DATE. Some days are better than others, but I think very soon I may just explode. I am sick, fed up, had enough, tired of keeping busy, had plenty of diversions, sore armed from cleaning. Argh, I cannot believe I am saying this, but I am shopped out, emailed out, almost blogged out. In the past 10 weeks I have ran over 250 miles trying to be positive. I am stamping my feet like a baby, and it feels just right. Can anyone get me a travel date, can I buy one on ebay?

I have a fever, and the only cure for me is A TRAVEL DATE!

What are you waiting for?

My little Baker

2007-07-12T22:09:00.000-04:00

I have to admit that one of the most fun things about being a mom is baking. Claire my little sweetie loves to bake. I used to bake with her because I pulled her out of preschool because it was awful, and spent the year home with her. A girly to her soul. Loves baking, make up, jewelery, shoes and more shoes. I took her into NY to see Dora at radio city. Then I brought her into FAO Schwartz, but the best for her by far was Tiffany's. The sales people treated her like a princess, showing her 20,000 dollar turtle watches and 75,000 bird pins. They even let her touch the gems! My favorite part was the doorman who stoped the revolving door...just for us. I wish I could have bought something, but too pricey for me.

Claire is a poet in her heart. She is caring and compassionate. She loves to help others and is terrific with little kids. Almost 9 she barely weighs 45 pounds soaking wet, and is the size of a 5 year old. Don't let her size fool you, she is very mighty. She loves to give me a hard time and has her own way of doing EVERYTHING! I have to say, she loves me with her entire heart, and sees the world with insightful eyes.

She will be an incredible big sister. There is a magic about her. Everyone who knows her loves her. I watch her navigate the hall in school, she is stopped by almost everyone for a hug or a pat. She always leaves me notes on my pillow, and messages on my cell phone. Once when she was mad at me, she buried her nose in a book. Between pages she would look up and give me this evil glare. Clearly she was displeased with me. Then I noticed the title on the book,...."101 ways to be a better Mother"!!! LOL !!...as mad as she was making me I was laughing inside. Claire honey mommy loves you, to the moon and back.

Harry Potter or Dylan?

2007-07-10T01:43:00.001-04:00

Okay... I'm not REALLY a person that can handle waiting for too many weeks, all the while staring at my beautiful son's picture, missing all his litle baby firsts. All the while juggling a full time job, 2 kids on summer vacation, many pets, yard work, and an old house. Oh and all the computer time, reading blogs, scanning emails for hidden messages that may mean we could go to Vietanam sooner or later. The paper chase continues.

But what I really want to know is this...Could I be in Vietnam when the final Harry Potter book hits the shelves on July 21st? Will I still be in limbo? Where will you be ? I know my daughter will be in borders getting her preordered copy. God help the store if they run out of books!

Random Gifts

2007-07-07T09:22:00.000-04:00

What weighs as much as 15 bricks, and can fill up one suitcase with a single load?
Orphanage gifts that I choose!
We are feeling a little lucky, somewhat comfortable in the fact that we may be going to Vietnam sooner than later. So with that in mind we thought we should start getting the extras. It is custom for people to show their appreciation to others by giving them a token gift. Like party favors and goody bags.

There are lists of people that the agency tells you that you need to acknowledge. I would not want to leave anyone out, so I started to think about the 20 women that take care of the babies. I really wanted to give them something special but with 20 gifts to buy, what? I hit the mall running. At Victorias Secret I see this huge 75% off sign plastered on every window, floor and store wall. I think, they sell lotions and soap, they are having a sale, lets go look.

All I can say, is if you ever want to bring sexy back, that would be the place to do it. Did you know you can get a sexy glow by just using their soap? Where have i been all these years! Apparently even the plain old vanilla body butter has amazing tantric qualities. If that is not enough you can get a sexy body, or and EXTREMELY SEXY BODY, based on the types of lotions that you choose! All of which are 75% off. Funny how a store could change yor life! Oh, and they have edible body frosting on sale as well....Can you imagine if I took crazy pills and brought body icing and red hot smokin thongs, 20 of them, all on sale...put them in litle pink bags, in my suitcase, on the plane and all the way over to....

Alas I came to my senses, marched over to bath and body works. A comfort zone of girly soaps and lotions. I could spent an hour in that store smelling everything. I love to indulge in simple scents, that clean pampered feeling you get when you smell good and all is well with the world. I wish I could do more for these women who care for our children, who give them things I cannot. Things like first baths, first bottles, first kisses and hugs. It must be quite a demanding job, and they are very special to me. They are nurturing and loving my precious child, as women before them have loved my beautiful daughters.

Sure a token gift is nice, but I want to think on a larger scale. I guess what I can give, and what we all together can do, is giving freely to others. So my fellow bloggers and readers lets give ourselves a gift today and everyday. (no, not smoking hot thongs silly!) Pass along simple random acts of kindness to everyone's sons and daughter's. Small steps, but that is how we learn to walk.

Motherhood- a work in progress- Em

2007-07-03T09:26:00.000-04:00

Summer is upon us. Holding the females in this house powerless over many things. Things like, cool movies on hot steamy days, endless playing outside, mood swings, boredom, and hormonal outbursts! I think every summer has started like this, but this is the first summer that my kids made me cry before July!

Things change every year, they are different yet still little girls. My older daughters friends have already learned the pain of gossip, and hopefully this summer with the awesome group of mom's I know they will discover the hard truth about friends, fair weather, 2 faced or true, real, safe friends. At 11-12 we still help them make the right choices.
Em tells me she's off, riding her bike with her fiends. Hair flying, lips a goofy blue from candy. So sweet, so innocent, so full of life and promise. She comes home all happy with herself. Independence looks good on her. I pause, remembering once I wished for this day, wanting some freedom after so much clinging. Now I am wishing for the fat baby hands, reaching around my neck. I was all she needed, could solve any problems with a hug and kiss. Sometimes she yells, rolls her eyes, gets very frustrated with me. Then minutes later she is next to me. "I'm sorry mom. I didn't mean it" I say I know, and we move on. She still loves to cuddle and is so strong she can suck the breath out of me. She is a work in progress all of her own doing.

Last year her very private goal was to excel. She told me she was in school to learn, when I asked her if she minded not being in class with her 3 good friends. Excel she did! All by herself she got straight A's, and won 13 awards. She was involved and I cried at the awards ceremony realizing just how hard this wonderful kid worked. No boasting, no mention to us of her plan to excel. The only thing she said was after school was over and we were alone, "Mom, I've held it in all day, can I brag?" Yes honey, "MOM I WON 13 AWARDS, and I'm so pround of myself!" Tears pouring down my face she blew me away!

What happened to the girl who loved dressing up like a disney princess, who danced on my feet to "Little Green and Carey", I swear she would jump though flaming hoop to get to me. When I would sleep she would put ALL of her toys on me and stick her finger in my nose. She could have kissed me for 1 hour and wanted more. I remember cookies for santa, her actually hoping like a rabbit in the mall to see the easter bunny. Oh and her dresses had to be loose around to fan out when she twirled around. I vowed then as always to love and protect her. When she drives away on her bike I hold my breath and pray.

I think I will always hold my breath and pray, like an instinct, when ever she leaves me. She looks up at me from her book, headphones in place. I have time. Time to love her more and more, to be her mom, to understand when she she is light years ahead of me. She starting to find her way.

Dylan Goes to New Hope (kinda).

2007-07-01T15:30:00.000-04:00

Mom and Dad take a day trip to New Hope Pa.
Everywhere we go we bring a picture of Dylan.
Even when we go out to dinner, we prop his picture on the salt and pepper shakers.
We really...REALLY...cannot wait to travel to Vietnam to bring him home. The weather was beautiful. We could not resist buying Dylan his first pair of Robeez shoes. We fell in love with the hippos. So, in the meantime we walked around, went out for some dinner, and drinks at these fun outdoor cafes.People waching is one of my favorites, and there were many vintage cars and motorcycles to look at.
I thought Dylan would love the hogs!

Nesting 101

2007-06-24T22:48:00.001-04:00

One of the most nerve-wracking aspects of international adoption is waiting. First you wait for a homestudy, and all the million documents that go with it. Then you wait for ins appointments for fingerprints, then you wait for ins approval, then the dossier prepartion and the agony of the multi sealed superstamped documents. Then it goes to (in our case) Vietnam. Then you get this amazing picture (called a referral) of you child. THen more pictures, followed by so much more vast waiting. Days turn into months, and no one really knows how to deal with you. Including yourself.

The past week I have been powernesting. DH bought the carseat, along with season 2 of 90210. I picked up the dresser. Dylan is sharing a room with us for now, so we had one little nook. I went to Home Goods last Saturday and was overjoyed to find this piece that can one day go in his own room. What a deal at $129.oo! So of course I had to put all his cute little things in it immediately. Em and Claire picked out the safari outfit, and the plaid short and hat set at baby gap, on sale! I also picked up 2 suitcases at Marshalls for $59.oo each! Another great find. We decided to go with more Medium bags, the larger ones seemed to tempting to over pack! I am a shoe fiend and a chronic overpacker.

Maybe by all these good vibes I am feeling will bring some travel date news soon, every day that passes seems like forever. I remember waiting to get the girl's travel dates. After everything, the homestretch is the most grueling. Like a race, feet are aching, muscles spent, and you are tired beyond belief. But the ending is was matters, no matter the physical pain you are mentally proud of your endurance. I am keep telling myself this, but I am getting very, very tired of missing my son.

This week will be more nesting, and I just went wireless and was at war with 2 computers. Airport express is not expressly hooked up. They are up and running thanks to apple care, now I need to hook up the sharing, printers, and apple chat. Nothing is working, but I am another day closer to VIETNAM!

Bless this Little Heart...

2007-06-20T00:51:00.000-04:00

After one month of wondering... i was rewarded today with new pictures of my little boy. My little boy Dylan. 4 pictures, a jackpot. 4 pictures to savor, print, share. How lucky can I get. This morning I was very hyper, I went for an intese long run to chill myself out, but still felt disconnected. The next hurdle was work. As my blog reveils. I work as a nurse in a peds emergency room. I tried to focus, but I think I knew inside today was the day. My coworkers Chris and the famous Dr Woodness (don't ask) even commented on my ADHD. Between, putting an IV in a 2 yearold, and pumping the stomach of a teenage OD, I just had to click on my email, and get these awesome pictures! Now do you understand my inability to focus.

So I call DH, he is taking a break (smoking!), and tell the receptionist about the pictures. Call my friend who watches my girls to click on the pictures I sent her so they can see their brother. Then go to another room, start another IV, and continue to give really foul tasting antidotes to the overdose. Trying to get to the computer was my goal. Thank God no one coded, no sedations, or angry parents.

Why do I only show a part of him? There is an unwritten rule in the adoptive comunity about post pictures on the web before the adoption is complete. He is still not home, but I feel he is mine, as much as a child can ever really BE yours. Something hit me tonight, he looks lost. Maybe I am over-romanticizing, projecting. But in the other pictures he looked so small, about to cry, just lost. He has a part of me.

In our emergency room we have these safe haven cradles. They are for mothers, as a safe place to leave their babies that they cannot care for. No questions asked. Just put the baby somewhere safe, and the mother will not be charged with adandonment. An infant boy was left last night, and an infant girl, a few months ago. These are happy endings for the infants involved. So may children around here do not fare as well. I tried to imagine the anxiety these woman face, leading up to and following the relinquishing of a child. I think of it as a blind panic, feeling around in the dark, terrified not knowing where you are, and not knowing what you will see when you open your eyes...a life with the child...a life without. As they always wonder, so do adoptive parents. Feeling about in the dark we are.

I belong to a yahoo group for Vietnam and my agency World Child. There have been several posting lately about abandoned babies, and the sheer amount of them, and the process to find them homes. We are not that separated by this issue. Babies abandond in the US face similar issues. Looking for birthparents, time to be legally adopted, adoptive families on a waiting list. So many of my wonderful coworkers told about this little boy who needed a home, like maybe since I was so far along in the adoption abyss, I could just slip my homestudy in this baby's crib, and become his mother. This baby belong to another. Maybe even as we speak a family is being formed. We have rules on paper to adhere to as well.

My family is formed. Emily my oldest, sensible, motivated daughter, Claire my whymsical, fidget mirror image, and Dylan my sweet little baby. Half of me is here, the other with you, until you come home, and make our family whole.

"Bless this little heart, This white soul that has
won the kiss of heaven for our earth.
He loves the light of the sun, he loves the sight
of his mothers face.
He has not yet learned to despise the dust, and to
hanker after gold.
Clasp him to your heart and bless him.
He has come into the land of a hundred cross-roads,
I know not how he choose you from the crowd, came to
your door, and grasped your hand to ask his way.
He will follow you, laughing and talking, and not
a doubt in his heart.
Keep his trust, lead him straight and bless him.
Forget him not in your hurry, let him come to your
heart and bless him."
Rabindranath Tagore, 1861-1941
Calcutta, India
from Collected Works

I don't know how these children come into our lives, how they grasp our hands and never look back. But I know the honor of being a parent, of loving someone more than you think you can. Of having these sweeties become a apart of who you are. For those of us about to beome mothers, for those of of yearning to be mothers, for all our our moms, and birth moms, and everyone inbetween...bless our chldren and always keep them in our hearts.

For my Wife

2007-06-16T13:50:00.000-04:00

Hello. I just wanted to take a moment and acknowledge the creator of this blog my wonderful and loving wife. If you haven't already guessed she is the "glue"of our family and the reason behind every one of our smiles. I am the lucky one who gets to call her my wife aand mother of our children. I know I speak for all of us when I say we are truly blessed to have you as is Dylan whose stolen all of our hearts. Charisa I love you more than words can say and I couldn't have asked for a better person to share my life with. You make even the waiting somehow tolerable. I look forward to each day with you and cannot wait to start raising our son together.

Happy Fathers Day, my love...

2007-06-16T00:31:00.000-04:00

To Dylan on fathers day,
Hello my little man, I just wanted t let you know how much your father loves you. I know he has not met you yet, but you live inside his heart, and are a part of his soul.
Just the thought of you brings tears to his eyes. He could talk about you all night long. I of course love to listen, because you are also my favorite thought. You father loves cars. He loves cars most of all material things. If an exotic one goes down the road he looses his train of thought, and wants to chase it (like Bailey with motorcycles). A perfect day for him is sleeping late, drinking coffee, eating meat, and fixing or driving his car, watching the history channel, James Bond, or Beverly hill 90210. He knows every episode of 90210. He drives a black porsche speedster. He has blonde swirly hair. Your name is Dylan. I'm sorry little man. you'll love the car when you are bigger/
There will be spiderman, fantastic four, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Batman, Superman, and lots and lots of cars. I hope you like meat, because your dad could live on it, and I am not a big fan. Just give the hiking thing a chance for me, because no one else craves it like me.
The swirly hair thing...we will have to work on dad.
Your dad will teach you how to be a good man, and a polite man who always has good manners, like opening doors for others, giving up your seat, being kind and friendly. He will always have your back, and make you feel safe and loved. He will do everything he can to make your dreams come true.
So my little man, until we can come and take you home. I pray that God will continue to keep you safe, and blessed. We are always thinking about you. We love you to the moon, and back.

Who thought they would ever end up here?

2007-06-11T21:33:00.000-04:00

I know it was only a matter of time, but what could a poor sick-of-waiting-for-a-travel-date-to-Vietnam mother to do?

I can pose the animals in the crib. (don't worry I put a towel down, and my OCD self will wash the bedding).

Molly seems kind of bored but comfy.

Twinkle is very happy with the idea of her new bed.

...and Mitten? She really loves the mobile!

Crib Weekend !

2007-06-10T23:01:00.000-04:00

This was quite and action packed weeked here. On Saturday the girls went to the school fair. The highlight was the principal in the dunk tank! They each teamed up with a friend, we came home had a barbeque, and then went to go see Pirates of the Caribbean 3. The movie was okay, but to hear them talking about it was priceless. Even 3rd and 5th grade girls think Orlando Bloom is cute, I think he is hot. They enjoyed a sleep over, and were too cute in the morning. I just love it. At this age they still love you around, but don't always need you on top of them.

I'am so happy we did not move...Except I had this feeling that we had to find all the pieces to the crib, and assemble it today.

We had fun. This crib was the first for Emily, Claire, and my friends daughter Kate. It is 10 years old and beautiful.
We HAD to get it ready in case there is an emergency trip to Vietnam very soon! I hope.

My dear sweet husband is more than happy to go to babies r us to pick up the mattress. It was a little tricky for my impaired dyslexic self to put it together. Mirror images kill me. We put the bedding on, it is Vintage Firetruck, and the texture of the fabric is so soft, and luxurious. I bought it on sale last November. So it is very exciting to see it again.

The only problem is we have no extra room yet, and the crib goes in our 15 x 13 masterbedroom. We have no room for a changing table or extra dresser. I think I'l put my running gear and work uniforms in an under the bed box, and Dylan can have 2 drawers of mine.
We have some contractors coming in the next few weeks, and are looking forward to our atttic masterbedroom/bath addition. For now we will have a great view of a beautiful crib, that will soon be a great, comfy. loving spot for our little man Dylan. Now we need to keep the cats off because they think this whole crib thing is awesome, and of course for them, and is a great idea overall.

I was tagged!

2007-06-09T00:05:00.000-04:00

Nicole tagged me, so I will try to write about myself. i tend to focus on the pets and kids, but I'll make it interesting.
so...

4 facts about me

1-I have a pathological fear of the dark. I go panic sticken crazy, and have a hard time functioning when there is a blackout and it is really dark. There are many reasons for this, but if there is ever a powerfailure... I warned you...I completely crumble.
2-I love being outside! I love to run in all kinds of weather, I love hiking and the mountains, and I love to sweat. When my kids were small I was always "mommy out of the house, kind of mommy". I worked overnight shifts and never slept to I'd pack then into the double jogger and off we'd go. We could walk for miles, I live near some fun towns with lots of coffee shops and playgrounds. We had so much fun. Sometimes I'd give them brown paper lunch bags, and we would go walking looking for side walk treasures. To see their fat little hands picking up stuff and proudly showing it to me was priceless.
3-I love kickboxing and when I hit the heavy bag I pretend it is someone I'm mad at. If you knew me you'd never think of me as angry, I'm always so nice. But I think I have this pissed off streak inside of me. I love to do this roundhouse kick...all this pent up anger and frustration, just goes out your legs.
4- I am in love with my husband and my kids, and my animals.

4 Habits I have

1 I have to the make the beds in a certain way, I think it is from nursing school. My ocd.
2 I overthink things, and am a real planner, but my planning is flexible. I have had some hard blows in life, so I alway have plan a, b, and so on.
3 I need a couple cups of coffe to function. I like a glass of rich oaky red wine at night.
4 I talk outloud to the dog throughout the day and night.

4 New things in the past 4 years

1- I was divorced.
2- I married again.
3- I lost our baby last year
4- The best is Vietnam- Our son Dylan is there waiting for us. I'm glad he is too young to know what is going on. His dad and sister and I are having a hard time waiting for his sweet little self. This is the best chapter so far, and we are desperate for his warm little body. I cannot wait to kiss his little hands and feet, and hold him close. I have a great feeling it will be soon.

I don't know how to add name links, but to all the bloggers I enjoy- consider yourself tagged!